Fire and Ice

Sharing a shake

Last night sitting at home Monique, Paul and myself were chatting about all kinds of yummy cakes and things to eat. This was at about nine. Paul and I are on a fun free eating plan so all the things we are talking about, are things we are not allowed to have and didn’t crave at all until Monique brought it up. Please let note that even thought she is our friend as well, she is also our dietitian. The Nazi food princess that has been telling us what we can and cannot stuff in our faces and believe me, Frau Chin only wants to hear one click!

Temptations

So for two or three weeks Paul and I have been very good on this eating plan (which is a nice way of saying eat nothing yummy). We have not been lead down the path of the Devils Temptation. But last night, the very woman who is causing us to not suckle on the teet of Nestle or Cadbury or Lindor or anything nice for that matter, is telling us all about cheesecake and all kinds of yummies.  By about 10, I said that I could really do with some cake now. Next moment Monique jumped up and said “lets go! My treat!”

Toilet Rolls

I was confused. Was this some kind of Nazi test to see if my will power can actually handle the pressure? Was she going to escort me to a room lined with treats and everytime I want to touch something I get shocked? I expected the worst! And then she again said that we should go. We were going to town for cake. So like a puppy that walks a step behind his owner and tail between the legs while every now and again giving a droopy eyed sideward glance upwards, waiting for the news paper to come down on his ass, I followed her to her car. Paul and I got in and she planned then to take us to ‘Hudsons” in Claremont as they apparently make the best milkshakes.

Out House

On the way there we drove past the Portea Hotel in Town and it is called Fire and Ice. So Monique tells us how it such a stunning hotel and how we have to go there one day. Well Hudsons was closed and we needed somewhere else to go, so from Claremont we are going to back to Town. But during all of this we have been taken on a round trip, through Bishops Court. Stunning area where only the richest of the rich can stay. One day I will have a mansion there. It really is a stunning area.

We get back to town and park in front of the Hotel. Stinking of fire smoke (Cuz we had made a fire at home and just killed it before we went out) we are pretending to be very exclusive while mincing to the bar. Now I had never been in a hotel before. Been to many B&B’s but never a Hotel. Never even went in for a drink. So smelling of smoke but looking fab we order milkshakes. Monigue orders a ferrero rocher milkshake. Paul a chocolate brownie one and myself a Lindt chocolate one. Paul and I also went half-half as it was a half a liter glass.

Stage Fright

While we wait we go to the bathrooms. OMGess. They have a few bathrooms or rather WC’s and each one is themed differently. The First one is labeled ‘Temptation’ and there is this big ass painting of a stunning naked man on the wall with a real towel over his penis. Of course being me I pull the towel aside and so does Paul. Behind it, where the mans penis should be is a gray square with a little fake alarm that goes mal until you put the towel back. The next loo is called toilet rolls. On the one wall is just toilet roll holders. The one after that is called cottage or out house or something like that and it is so cute inside. Very cottage like. The one after that is called Stage fright.  And here it looks like you are on stage with lights and mirrors and an audience. The last is littled Long Drop and it looks like a construction site long drop. But it was all so out of the box and stuning.

Long Drop

The smoking room is called the coughinroom. This is a very cute play on words cuz you sit on white coffins. The table is a black coffin. If you look up it looks like you are looking out of an open grave. This is because the ceiling has been painted to look like the opening of a grave hole with friends family and a priest standing looking “in”. The cigarette dispenser is made to look like a gravestone. It was so great to sit in this themed hotel. You must all go there.

Mwah!!

 

 

Help Without Expectation

Is this really still true in today's society?

Very often in life we come across people that either by choice ask for our help or we just realize that we need to give a helping hand to that person. This however can really bite us in the ass, and I don’t mean in a nice foreplay kinda way. I mean sometimes we do so much for someone only to be kicked in the balls. So often in the almost 4 years that Paul and I have been together have we tried to help people. And by help I don’t mean that we offer them a lift or lend a R100 or small trivial things like that. By help I mean that we go far out of our way to help some or other person to achieve whatever it is that they want to achieve.  And I cannot even categorize and say that it is only men or only women. Oh no it’s humans. You help someone and then they stab you in the back.

A friend of mine one day told me a story about how her and her husband also helped some women and eventually this women just about destroyed their entire lives. Cindy ended her story by telling me “No good deed goes unpunished Zeo.” A bold statement to make but it seems that it is a true one. Well up until a few months or so ago when I met someone who was of a different opinion and kind of explained it to me.  This is the one that we discussed last year. For those that have been reading the blog since then, you will remember on the 14^th of July 2011 we had this discussion.

I want to however talk about this again. Since that time Paul and I have carried on helping people. Yes it’s like we are just suckers for punishment. And people seem to just to know that they can come to us and we will help and somehow it is ok if they then take us for granted. So I am  getting to the point that I am agreeing with Cindy. We help, help, help and then a month or two or three later we get kicked so hard in the crotch that we that we can feel the lumps in our throats.  And every time we say: “This is the last time we are doing this”

You know its not that we want to be praised and made out to be the saviors. Not at all. A small thank you however, has the ability to go a long way. I am also at the point know where I am ok with people talking kak about me and trying to take me for a doos but if you think you are going to do it to Paul and you think you are going to get away with it, well think again buddy. When it comes to my Paul I become like a lioness that will rip anyone to pieces. Paul is like the king lion. He has the beautiful mane and he just is by far the calmer one of the us.

Back to the point though. This is starting to create an issue for us where we don’t really want to trust anyone anymore.  And it’s not so much that we don’t want to but we have been through so fucking much. From being lied to, to being stolen from, to our house being in a fucking state! So now we are skeptical. There are a few people here and there that we are more than willing to help with whatever they need, but these are few and far between. These people we do help without having expectations or conditions.

What we have tried to remember though, is that people will come into your life for different reasons. Once your roads are done then that person will leave.  We have also learned not to make an issue out of such things as that very much perpetuate the issue and turn them into horrible arguements. Yes we get hurt. But are we not in fact signing up for hurt with every person that we allow in our lives? Every positive has an already existing negative and so for every nice person in your life there already exists an equal negative. We allow the nice so maybe we should also just allow the, not so nice. Who knows maybe having that as the only expectation or condition will somehow ease us and our lives for when moments like these hit us. 

Mwah!!

Where did she come from?

So after being sick for a number of days I am kinda back on track. Fuck I hate having a cold fever. I normally in winter sleep under a sheet and one thin duvet in my boxers. I get hot very quickly and don’t get cold easily. From Sunday to last night I have been sleeping in leggings, a vest, full tracksuit and a jersey under four blankets and still I am cold. It was terrible. Like getting cold from the inside out, if that makes sense. The weird thing is that Saturday night we went to go watch Pope Joan at a friends house. Mel who is also a Reiki Master. She gave me one look and asked me if I was getting sick. I very proudly said no, cuz I really didn’t feel sick at all. Sunday morning I was like Germany. One minute no wall next minute divided.  Fine one minute……….then……….fucked sick. Could not even stand. Was way too dizzy. Anyway that is not what this blog entry is supposed to be about. But you should all know by now that I do ramble.  So lets go back to Saturday.

Saturday we went to the IBDD (International Belly Dance Day) where my wonderful Paul was simply amazing on stage and he made a good name for his belly dancing studio. For those interested please contact Paul as he s a very wonderfully excellent belly dance teacher.

Anyway so after that we had to go to Canal Walk to sort out some stuff.  So Paul, Edward, Hobbit and myself are off to Canal Walk. I am as per normal dressed as if I am part of some form of experiment but feeling good about myself. Dressed in black and brown with lace and rings and al too gothic.

Paul and Edward decide that they cannot keep up with Hobbit and myself when we shop so we split up.  Standing in @Home, which is one of my favourite shops, Hobbit says she wants to buy me a gift. So over the moon me start to run around in the shop looking at everything and thinking what would look best where in the house.  It is at that point that Hobbits rational mind, for the first time in a long time, clicked in and she said: “that’s it. Lets go to Foschini” My face dropped, my heart sank and I said my long farewells to the most beautiful toilet roll holder, of which they only had one.

Walking out the shop I ask her why we going there and she said, still in her rational and logical state (which by the way is very rare for her) “If I buy you something from @Home it is going to be for the house and not for you and on any other day that would be fine, but not today. Today I want to buy something for you only.” So now my mind is racing as to what makes today so different. Anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, some Muslim or Jewish or other spiritual holiday (with Hobbit anything is possible) and I cannot find a single reason why Saturday the 12^th could possibly be important. So I give up and ask her. She responded with the following “Tomorrow is mothers day” Quickly I check to see exactly how big my man boobs are by now and wonder what I have spawned this time “and even though you are not my mother you are the founder of the Tradition and as such you are our mother and father. I want to do something for you cuz you have no idea how much you mean to me and how much you have done for me.” Well I was almost in tears. Almost but I was wearing eyeliner and mascara and couldn’t let it run over my face. So she bought me this stunning black over the shoulder throw with a fake fur collar. Stunning for the Opera.

We then went to Mug and Bean. Paul and Edward met us there and Hobbit decided that she wants to do a round of coffee for us all. Which she did. But now here lies the actual event that I want to write about. But before I do that, I want to take you about 10 years back.

I was dating a girl, cant remember her name and she used to tell me that I am so sexy and that I am really a unique individual. I never believed her and said that “One day if a complete stranger tells me these things I might believe it” And so I went through life. Always saying the same thing. Even when Paul compliments me, I say thank you, but come on he is my Fiancé. So he is biased. No one random person has ever said anything nice to me. As in to my face. I get hate mail, bwhahahahahahaha. Seriously, Apparently I am unapproachable, or some such bullshit.

Ok so we are having coffee at Mug and Bean in Canal Walk and suddenly this woman, well elderly lady, who looks like she just came from a Dutch Reformed Church meeting walks to our table. She had the floral blazer, pleated skirt, the works. You know the kind of Afrikaans lady that normally looks at me and then mumbles “Satan” She stood next to Edward, opposite me, looked me in the face and then said (I am translating her Afrikaans to English) “I just have to tell you that you are beautiful. And what you are wearing is simply stunning.  And you wear it with such grace and personality. You are stunning and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You stand, head and shoulders, above all these other people here. I love it. I just had to tell you that you are beautiful. It makes me so happy” and then she was gone. We all saw her and she left. Just like that. I went blood red. Blushing like you cannot believe it. It was like an FNB advert “where did she come from?” I still don’t know what made her do that. I still don’t know who she is. Maybe she was just a messenger. Who knows? What I do know is that it made me feel so good and so pretty and special and I was glowing the entire day because of it. That and maybe I should start listening to Paul when he says nice things to me.

Mwah!!

Hate mail from Sam Smith who lives in JHB

last I checked he uses this veve as a pf pic

So I receive this message on the weekend from some really sad soul. I said in the beginning, when I started my blog that if I get hate mail I am simply going to post it here so we can all have our say about it. So here it is people, my first hate mail for this year. It was sent to me by a person by the name of Sam Smith. Below find the Facebook link to his Facebook page. You are all more than welcome to chat to this gentleman. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003058821986

His messages to me were as follows

1.

“Hi Zeo,
Let me introduce myself. You can call me Carnal Karma, and I am first and foremost son, servant and warrior to Mother Lilith. Yet my services sometime extend to other gods. Lately Kali has asked my help to rectify a few inbalances against her name. And Martin Frost aka Zeo was a name that caused a lot of irritation to Her. Apparantly this 'Zeo' has caused Her name great disgrace and stolen countless magickal property and ideas. Zeo is a prominent figure in LHP movement in SA but he is a fraud and dare I say 'false prophet' (although he has no real power and only misleads fools and social outcasts who have no real purpose). I hope for your sake I'm wrong but I get the idea you claim Kali as your gaurdian? If this is true you need to make a few serious decisions because you have been noticed. And the powers, especially Kali are not pleased. She is mercifull though and offers you the following: expose yourself as a fraud and return all you have stolen (you should know what these stolen things are because I'm unclear on what exactly you stole)

My human will give you the following advice, one human to another. Stop your deceit and live your life. The occult is not meant for your kind. Turning a place's name is no name for a group or any occult practices. Destroy anything in your possesion connected or depicting Kali. And on a lighter note only absolute pretentious douche bags wear New rocks! Hahahahaha, dude I thought you were gay and gay people should have fashion sense. I think you might need to reconsider your image but to each his own.

So I wish you the best friend! Even though I don't respect you in the least from what I heard everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe you can start a new hobby like knitting or scrapbooking to fill the void if you make the wise decision but we will see.

Regards from Kali, Lilith and accumulated karma”

What caught my eye here was that for someone that apparently knows so much about me he doesn’t even know my full names. 

I also cannot help but notice how he claims that I am a fraud and I only lead fools and social outcasts who have no real purpose. He is taking on a lot of people by that statement.Good luck to you for that statement....friend.

As for my “image” as he puts it, thankfully I have never cared what people think about how I look. Why would the opinion of one very sad individual matter to me now.

On the accusations of theft, I hope he can back this up in the court of Law.

As for speaking on behalf of a certain Deity('s). Please can someone phone Oprah. This man needs to go on there. If he is the voice of the Goddess on Earth then I daresay that we as Pagan folk have a Pope and so many terrible things can be rectified if we just allow this boy to speak his mind. All hail the Pope of Paganism. Pope Sam Smith.

2.

“Hey friend,

Sorry to bother again, but just had my sunday meditations (decided sunday will my serious study and workings,hahaha, seeing as the day was hijacked) Anyway on a serious note I during meditation pressure was put on me to get an answer from you. Sorry I thought you had more time but I'm dealing with some impatient energies. Hope to hear from you soon.”

Clearly the Pope does not need to worry about grammar.I just copied and pasted both his letters. Made spelling or grammar corrections.

So I have not responded to him and I don’t think I am going to. I see no point. I am not going to block him, as he should be able to get this link and read this blog. Also if he continues his empty threats and allegations, well then I would like to have record of it to take him court. I have no time for little boys who has nothing better to do than try to start witch wars based on lies that they thought up while masturbating.

So have fun all. Enjoy your day!

Mwah!

How do you like your eggs?

So many of friends and random people that I know are currently struggling with the concept of finding themselves. No hang not the concept of it, rather they are in the process of finding themselves.

To all of you, I know what you are going through. I went through it at age 25. I got divorced, discovered I was gay, my mom passed away and I lost my house and just about everything in it. I had built up debt to teh point of mountains just to survive. I was lost, like a fart in a perfume factory.

I asked a wonderful woman by the name of Lindie Tuck and her Fiance (then Boyfriend) to move into the house with me. The first Saturday morning Lindie knocks on my bedroom door. She says that she is making breakfast, how do I like my eggs? Without a single hesitation I said “(ex wife’s name) likes them sunny side up” Lindie looked at me and said “That’s nice” or it may have been more like “Well fuck what she likes, how do you like it?” I remember the blank stare I gave her. I had no idea how I liked my eggs. 

It is only then that I realized the number that my ex pulled on me. Just about everything that I liked or ate or did was a reflection of what and how she used to like, eat and do. I was angry at her then. My one friend and mentor told me that my life being in chaos was just perfect because from the chaos I could rebuild to order. I nearly told her to go fuck herself. But she was right.

Another mentor and friend also made me aware of the fact that my ex wife was my biggest teacher ever. She taught me what exactly I didn’t want from life in order for me to pursue that which I want. For a long time I lived off kak. I drank way too much. I destroyed my Temple area and pushed everyone away. I became a bit of a slut. 

It is now 5 years later. I am still not on top of my game. I still have a few issues due to my 6years and 2 months relationship. But I am working on it and I have made huge bounds and leaps and I hope that I will continue on this journey for a very long time as it is a very exciting journey. The Journey of self discovery is really fucking scary but I promise you it is the best one you will ever go on. It is difficult and very time consuming and you cannot lie to yourself cuz then you make it all the more painful and longer. But if I look back now to what all I have accomplished in these 5 years……wow!! I actually don’t know how I did it, but I am doing it. Of course you will have support from those that love you, as long as you don’t push them away.

What helped me tremendously was the realizing, truly realizing that I could die any minute and that nothing in this universe is for certain. Everything is what you make it and not to take anything for granted. Dealing with death taught me that. I have a house now filled with stuff, I have gained knowledge and by applying it I have now gained wisdom. Granted yes I also gained a few extra pounds but so what! I am more fabulous than ever. I am not telling you all of this to brag or be like “ooh look at me” but I am hoping it will give you hope. Maybe even inspire you. Be a light for you.

Mwah!!

P.S. Oh by the way. I like my eggs over easy!

Communicate!!

You know if I have said it once then I must have said it a thousand times. 

Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship. Well communication and compromisation. The two go hand in hand. *Sings in head* 'You can't have one without the other. Lova and marriage' *snaps back to reality* Sorry I just had to get that off of my chest first.

Hi, how are you today?

Me? Oh I am wonderful thank you. Had a few issues yesterday but it was all sorted out last night and now things are good again. What is new with you?

If you are wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, let me explain. I asked you how you are. You then answer and I carried on with the conversation. I can see you are confused. Probably thinking to yourself that I have now finally, completely lost all of my fucking marbles. However what I want you to do is, just to yourself, answer those two simple questions as truthfully as possible. You see the point to this little exercise here is to be truthful about how you are when asked. 

How many people greet you during the day? To how many of them do you say “I am well and you?” or “I am doing great and yourself?” or some such bullshit? Even on days when you hate yourself or days when everything seems to fall to shit.

Sometimes however, we are completely honest about how we are and the person to which you are explaining kind of just cuts you off  and says something like “That’s nice” and then carries on with whatever they wanted to say. Yes I know you know all of this so let me get to my point.

It saddens me to think that we as a species have become so empty and hollow that even in a simple question like “How are you” we (1) cannot answer it truthfully or (2) no one really cares in anyway how you are even when you give them an honest answer. 

How often have you been at a braai or party or whatever. Then someone walks in that you all know and your friend on your side tell you something like “please just don’t ask them how they are. You will never hear the end of it”. That to me is honestly the best approach. Not the saying of something like that behind someone’s back. I am a firm believer in ‘if you can say it behind someone’s back then have the balls to say it to their face’ . But I believe in the fact that if you really don’t care how someone is doing, then don’t fucking ask. And if how you are doing has nothing to do with them either, then if they should ask you first “How are you?”, just say “I am well thank you”. That way you are being polite and not opening a door by asking them the question in return.

But if you are gonna ask someone how they are doing then be prepared to listen to how it is really going with that person. And don’t then let your mind wonder or interrupt the person. You asked!! So you better fucking listen and be interested in that persons life. We live in an age where everyone is rushed and we don’t take time out for our fellow humans anymore, let alone our animals or plants (but that is a whole new blog), being sincere about how you or someone else is, is the least that you can do.

Mwah!!

Movie Power

I am busy reading a book called ‘Reel Fulfillment’ . Its about transforming your life through the ability to watch movies. I Love watching movies and that is why I decided to read this book.  It consists of lessons that you learn from watching or rather becoming part of the movie and then there are exercises that you have to complete as well. I have not done any of it, just reading the book at this point. I actually don’t have time to do the rest.

But all of this made me think again about a post that I made many years ago on DeviantArt. (For those unenlightened among us, this is a website where you have like a mini blog) In it I spoke about the one ring that rules them all. No I realize that now all the gay boys are getting excited. So let me explain first. Tolkien tells us about a ring that is so powerful that it can conquer all. That it can consume its owner. Take away all rational thought. I mean look at Golem.

He tell us that this ring cannot be destroyed unless it is in the heart of the mountain where it was created. This ring has the ability to change people and to bend people to its will. All of this has a very familiar sound to it. Sounds almost like that small four letter word called ‘Love”.  What if Tolkien was telling us about love? What if the books he wrote was about the effects of love on people or the effects that a love gone sour has on people. I am not saying that I am correct or that, that  is what  it was supposed to be. I am just giving my opinion and as Mel said to me last night “you are entitled to your opinion”.

What then are all of these movies that we watch really about? Do you think that the writer just sits down and starts writing a story or maybe he plots the psychology of the story first and then writes something to go with that theme. Do these creators really just write movies to make money or do they do it to really help the people that will be watching it? Do they plan for these movies to be therapeutic?

Why is it that we get so into it and so emotional when watching these movies? Because we are faced with issues that we ourselves face in our own lives but this time round you are a spectator. You don’t have to take responsibility for anything that happens and because the situation is so close to your own heart you can give sympathy, empathy, understanding and even tears to characters that are experiencing the same things that you are struggling with in your life. What ‘Reel Fulfillment’ does is to help you see that you are watching a movie about yourself really and the same way you are helping the character in the movie to deal with their issues, should you now help yourself. But there are specific movies that you have to watch based on different issues.

To me Lord of the Rings would most certainly have to do with the ability to deal and face a relationship that has turned into a relationshit.

Mwah!