Fire and Ice

Sharing a shake

Last night sitting at home Monique, Paul and myself were chatting about all kinds of yummy cakes and things to eat. This was at about nine. Paul and I are on a fun free eating plan so all the things we are talking about, are things we are not allowed to have and didn’t crave at all until Monique brought it up. Please let note that even thought she is our friend as well, she is also our dietitian. The Nazi food princess that has been telling us what we can and cannot stuff in our faces and believe me, Frau Chin only wants to hear one click!

Temptations

So for two or three weeks Paul and I have been very good on this eating plan (which is a nice way of saying eat nothing yummy). We have not been lead down the path of the Devils Temptation. But last night, the very woman who is causing us to not suckle on the teet of Nestle or Cadbury or Lindor or anything nice for that matter, is telling us all about cheesecake and all kinds of yummies.  By about 10, I said that I could really do with some cake now. Next moment Monique jumped up and said “lets go! My treat!”

Toilet Rolls

I was confused. Was this some kind of Nazi test to see if my will power can actually handle the pressure? Was she going to escort me to a room lined with treats and everytime I want to touch something I get shocked? I expected the worst! And then she again said that we should go. We were going to town for cake. So like a puppy that walks a step behind his owner and tail between the legs while every now and again giving a droopy eyed sideward glance upwards, waiting for the news paper to come down on his ass, I followed her to her car. Paul and I got in and she planned then to take us to ‘Hudsons” in Claremont as they apparently make the best milkshakes.

Out House

On the way there we drove past the Portea Hotel in Town and it is called Fire and Ice. So Monique tells us how it such a stunning hotel and how we have to go there one day. Well Hudsons was closed and we needed somewhere else to go, so from Claremont we are going to back to Town. But during all of this we have been taken on a round trip, through Bishops Court. Stunning area where only the richest of the rich can stay. One day I will have a mansion there. It really is a stunning area.

We get back to town and park in front of the Hotel. Stinking of fire smoke (Cuz we had made a fire at home and just killed it before we went out) we are pretending to be very exclusive while mincing to the bar. Now I had never been in a hotel before. Been to many B&B’s but never a Hotel. Never even went in for a drink. So smelling of smoke but looking fab we order milkshakes. Monigue orders a ferrero rocher milkshake. Paul a chocolate brownie one and myself a Lindt chocolate one. Paul and I also went half-half as it was a half a liter glass.

Stage Fright

While we wait we go to the bathrooms. OMGess. They have a few bathrooms or rather WC’s and each one is themed differently. The First one is labeled ‘Temptation’ and there is this big ass painting of a stunning naked man on the wall with a real towel over his penis. Of course being me I pull the towel aside and so does Paul. Behind it, where the mans penis should be is a gray square with a little fake alarm that goes mal until you put the towel back. The next loo is called toilet rolls. On the one wall is just toilet roll holders. The one after that is called cottage or out house or something like that and it is so cute inside. Very cottage like. The one after that is called Stage fright.  And here it looks like you are on stage with lights and mirrors and an audience. The last is littled Long Drop and it looks like a construction site long drop. But it was all so out of the box and stuning.

Long Drop

The smoking room is called the coughinroom. This is a very cute play on words cuz you sit on white coffins. The table is a black coffin. If you look up it looks like you are looking out of an open grave. This is because the ceiling has been painted to look like the opening of a grave hole with friends family and a priest standing looking “in”. The cigarette dispenser is made to look like a gravestone. It was so great to sit in this themed hotel. You must all go there.

Mwah!!