Aleister Crowley

Last night I watched a documentary on Aleister Crowley. It was a about a 40 minute show but I found it to be very one sided. Even though they had historians and Catholic priests and even a satanic writer on the show as well as Martin Booth (the man who wrote the book on Crowley) it seemed to be more of a ‘let’s just make him out to be a bad man’ show.They mentioned nothing of his work in the Golden Dawn. No mention of his Tarot Deck that he designed. There was no mention of his joining of the Pickengill covens or his meeting with Gerald B Gardner with the aim of helping Gardner to write up the rites for the new Wicca movement.

Instead they just continuously called him ‘The Beast 666’ (a name that he truly did give himself to rebel against his Christian upbringiing) and ‘the wickedest man on in the world’. In a way I am sure that J.K. Rowling based her character of Lord Voldemort on him. Surely other people have based various fictional characters on him, even Dion Fortune did. But in the first Harry Potter book the wand maker says the following of Voldemort “He who must not be named, did many great things. Terrible yes, but great.” In his later years he is said to have calmed down and raise a son also named Aleister. According to his diaries it looks as if he regrets the way he lived his life, but who can truly say. Maybe him helping Gardner was a way of trying to redeem himself.
But this documentary also failed to mention was that in 2002 the BBC acclaimed Crowley with the award of being the 73^rd greatest Britt.

Crowley made popular the use of Correspondences in magick. He was a fore runner for helping people to face their shadow self in what he called ‘The Nightmare Room’ in his Abbey of Thelema in Sicily. He put the use of sex magick on the map and gave people back their personal power.  I am not trying to make him out to be a saint, but I am trying to make the average person who follows the occult that whether or not you like him and what he did, he made huge impacts on our way of life.

So even though this is not a long blog, I am urging you to read up on this man that changed the face of the esoteric world forever.

Here is just one website

http://www.controverscial.com/Aleister%20Crowley.htm

Mwah!!

Spring Fever

It is widely accepted here in South Africa and probably most (if not the entire) southern hemisphere that spring day is on the 1^st of September. On that day people wear floral (puke, puke) or just dress up in various colourful clothes. I never got it.  However I just want to point out something here, and maybe I am wrong and I am more than willing to admit that I am. But is spring day not on the Spring Equinox? Which means that this year it is on the 23^rd of September. In Cape Town we currently have sunny days and then suddenly rainy days. Then you must hear the people complain. “I thought it was supposed to be spring” blah fucking blah. Point in fact. When winter switches over to spring it is not going to be a sudden WHAM no more rain and sunny beginnings. It is a gradual change over from one to the other. There will still be rain. Nature is not dictated by what we think it should do on any given season. And then when it gets too hot then people complain again. We are the most ungrateful shits that walk this planet.

Or we watch the weather at night and then the next day it is not as what the poor weather man predicted. I say poor cuz I feel sorry for the doos. Here is this guy, just doing what he gets paid to do. He doesn’t even try to predict the weather. He just looks into monitor and reads what whoever tells him to read. No not God, just some random person that also just tries to predict the weather. Jisses and then when the weather is not as the weather man said it would be, we all kak him out. Die arme vokken man doen net sy job. Can you imagine how his ears must buzz everyday?

Personally I do not watch the weather, I do not listen to it on the radio nor do I look it up on the internet. If I happen to see it somewhere, then fine but I am not going to go out of my way to try and find it. Why? Cuz I don’t believe that it can be predicted. Think of it this way. The weather is kinda like God’s mood. He can wake up happy but then he gets pissed off cuz the Pope is being taken to court and it rains. Then he learns that the Pope is guilt and the fucker should go to prison then he is even more pissed off cuz this is after all the head of the Catholic church so it hails. Or some shit like that. I mean can you predict your partners every mood, one day in advance? I don’t fucking think so and if you can then both you and your partner needs to get a life.

Then spring arrives and we all throw things out. We grab mops and brooms and lappies and we clean like it is the new in thing to do. We call this spring cleaning. If you think about this it is actually very disturbing. Does that mean that we are only allowed to give our homes a good cleaning when it is spring time? So for the rest of the year our home must look like a hookers handbag. Personally I think A good cleaning (aka Jik bomb) should happen at least once a week. If you keep it clean it is really not a mission to maintain your house. Also nee sies man vok you should be happy to clean your house. Why would you want to live in a dirty house. Do you want to fight the roaches and worms for your food? Then I have also noticed how some people do a serious cleaning and then in the middel of Autumn they will “Oh I spring cleaned my house.” Should it not be a autumn cleaning?

Spring, Why do we make such a big deal out of it? Hundreds of years ago we used to wait for it and then we would have to do stock take of food that was stock piled and old people that died. But in this modern age, why? Why is it such a big deal?

Mwah!!

Make someone feel special

It is funny how music has the ability to completely control our emotions. When we are in a happy mood we like to listen to happy music. We jump up and down and we dance till the cows come home. When someone plays a sad song we comment about how we are going to slice our wrists and we also demand that a more ‘hip’ song be played. One that we can dance to and have fun on. But why? Because when that one sad song plays and we truly listen to it, it has the ability to completely change our mood. We go from being happy and full of life to a sad humanbeing sitting on a couch singing wholeheartedly with the artist. Sinead O’Connor “Nothing Compares”.

It is also rather amusing how we equate certain music with certain people or events. And every time we hear that song we then think of that event and or person. My first boyfriend told me that the song that made him think of me and miss me and love me and all that shit was "Die With You" by Blutengel. Now this is truly a beautiful song

“You do everything for me
Protect me from the shadows
You hold me when I'm falling
Chase all the bad dreams away
You hear me when I'm calling you
Wash away my tears
My blood is poisoned, my soul is aching
I'II die for you once more”

Is some of the lyrics and yet after we separated I could not listen to the song without getting pissed of at him and thinking that is a really fucked up song. However yesterday I heard the song again and for the first time in about three and a half years I was able to listen to the song and enjoy it. I did not spare him a single positive or negative thought. I simply enjoyed the song for the beautiful song that it is.

Certain friends have certain songs that remind them of each other. My friend Naomi and I will forever share the song “Simply the Best” and Catherine and I “What’s Going On” and Paula (no, this is not a drag queen name for Paul it is a female friend) “Whether Without You”, which was the long song that played in the coffee shop before she left for Kuwait. Thankfully she has returned again. Even though she is back I will forever think of that day in the coffee shop when that song plays.

Relationships also have songs. Paul and I have a song, it is “Rule the World” by Take That. When I phone his cell phone “The Music’s No Good Without you” plays as his personalized ringtone for me and when he phones me “You are my Sunshine” plays.

When I hear the song “Auld Lang Sein” I used to think of New Years but due to the first ‘Sex and the City’ movie it now makes me think of my true friends and how there is nothing I wont do for them.

When I hear “Have you Ever Seen the Rain” I think of my mom and when I hear “To Where You Are” I am bound to cry cuz I really miss her then. 

When all is said and done I really think that music is one the most powerful things on the planet. We are surrounded by it everywhere we go. In the shops, on the radios, when we are put on hold, in the shower (well don’t all people sing there?) and even in lifts.  And we are all so delighted when someone dedicates a song to us. It makes us feel special. So here is the challenge for this week. Pick 5 people that are special to you and dedicate a song to them. Make them feel special. Pay it forward, lets make everyone feel special.

Mwah!!

Believe

In 1998, singer, songwriter, actress, director, Cher made a much needed come back with her album Believe. The RIAA certified it Quadruple Platinum on December 23, 1999, recognizing four million shipments in the United States only. In 1999 the album received three Grammy Awards nominations including "Record of the Year", "Best Pop Album" and winning "Best Dance Recording" for the single "Believe". The album has sold 20,000,000 copies world-wide which makes it her best-selling album, and also one of the best-selling albums of all time. But that is not the point of this blog.

The number one hit on that album also entitled "Believe" sings of having hope when it feels like your heart has been ripped out.

“No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you
It's so sad that you're leaving
It takes time to believe it
But after all is said and done
You're gonna be the lonely one, oh

Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough now,
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough now”

Is just some of the words from the song. This, combined with a my oldest friend in world (meening that I have known the longest, [since we were 6 years old]) going through a very hard time in her relationship, made me rethink the human condition of needing love. We are just about all of us guilty of it. We all want it, we all want to have someone to share things with. Whether it is a friend or parent or sibling or parent, it is still love.

My boss (brilliant man that he is) one day told me that you have to live your life in such a way that you are only dependant on yourself. Those words together with the words of one of my friends (remember nothing in this universe is for certain) has stuck with me. Yes I am happy and I love Paul more than every breath that I take but as explained in a previous blog I am also a realist and knows that even if it is death that one day claims one of us, it wont last forever. And should that day come that we are no longer together, whether it is tomorrow or in 80 years from now, can I live without him. Am I able to survive. But again that is just one side of the coin. This song to me not only speaks of the physical but also of the emotional. Will I be ok if something happens that Paul and I are no longer together. I don’t know. I have no fucking idea. But here is what I do know. There is life after love, but it depends on us. We can either sit in a corner and sulk which is the natural thing to do, but it is also natural to bounce back at some point or other. Life does and will go on and we cannot let it pass us by like a movie scene of someone else’s life.

So to you my dear wonderful friend whom I love, I promise you that there is life after love and that even though it will be dark and miserable for a while it will also pass and things will become better. Life is what we make of it. Everything that happens to us is what we make of it.

Mwah!!

Prices

I am in the last two days feeling very nostalgic. I am missing people that I do not know and I miss my mom terribly. So last night I went to go visit my one friend. Naomi. We have been friends since we are six years old and her mom is like a real mom to me. So we are sitting there and she is telling me story after story about how dangerous the road has become that she lives in. She tells me about the burglary that they had and the gun fights and all the terrible things there. Which leads me to tell her that maybe it is time for her to sell the house and then move to a better area. But she doesn’t want to do that. All of this lead me to think of all the things we are so unwilling to do to better ourselves. Are we as humans, willing to sacrifice our own safety in order to be left in a comfort zone that is not safe at all?

This made me think of when I went to Durban. I took with the camera obviously and before I went I was so paranoid about the fact that someone would steal the camera. It is his camera that was a gift from his mother. He then tells me that I must please look after the camera but if someone wants to mug me and it is between the camera or my life, I must give the camera. Out of instinct I responded and said that I would hit the person with the camera and run. Why do we do this? Why do we have this need to be strong and mucho and risk our lives for material mundane things? Is that the price tag that you put on your life? If you fight for a two thousand rand cell phone in a mugging you are in fact telling everyone that your life is worth only two thousand rand. Safety and life should not have a price tag on it and if yours does then there is something seriously wrong with you. I am not saying that I do not make the same mistake. We all make that mistake. Each one of us at some point worry about something material that in fact will not shape or mold our futures.

The sad things is, that when we place such a small price on our lives what is our souls or spirituality worth to most people? Let me tell you, it’s free. They don’t care about it at all. They will fight for that two thousand rand cell phone but ask the to do a course on ………. Lets say meditation and it costs R600. This course lasts for three months and costs R600 in total. You know what we do, we think of reasons on why we can’t do it or why it is expensive or why it is not needed and and and. Apparently it has become more important to have a nice cell phone. Inner peace, why should we invest in that? Who wants inner peace? I am not saying that you should now go and give all of your money to the local church or the pastor, but keep things in perspective. Forget about the afterlife. It is not about buying your way into the afterlife, it is about improving the quality of your current life.

Just a thought, use it, don’t use it.

Mwah!!

Boerre Bronx

Tonight we are taking one of our friends to Bronx. Now for those of you that don’t know, Bronx is club on what we like to call the ‘Moffie Mile’. It is a road in the heart of gay valley in Greenpoint, Cape Town. There people drink and smoke and if you see someone you like you can take that person to the bathroom. Sexy boys dance around in nothing but underwear and everyone dances around the pole on the bar counter. Drag Queens parade the dance floor and grope each other in plain sight. Paul and I have a rule when we go there. He and I are allowed to snogg whoever we like, but nothing more. We are both young and we would rather enjoy young life together than end up cheating on each other. A couple that plays together, stays together or some such bullshit.

So our friend that we are taking there is a old school farm girl aged 50 from the Namaqualand, who believes that to show cleavage is wrong and she is a complete non drinker. We love her to bits but it is going to be an experience for her. We have instructed her what to wear and how to do hair and makeup. Bwhahahahahahahaha who knows maybe she turns the head of a nice looking lesbian. Problem is that she is not gay and she is very happily married. Her husband is going with. It is going to make for a very interesting night. I can hardly wait.

Who knows when they become ok with Bronx we take them one day to the pink parade, hehehehehehehehehehe.

But I am sure I will have a full report on this little excursion on Monday.

Have a wonderful weekend all.

Mwah!!

Respected Elders

I am very often among people, more often than what I care for actually. Silly as it may seem, I am not a people’s person. I find it difficult to socialize with people I don’t know and normally end up spending the night in my own company.  Last night we went to a Muslim friends house to celebrate Eid with them. Of course there was mountains of food and we were given take aways. But that was not the significant thing about the evening. What struck me was the close bond that these people share. How grateful they are/were for everything.  How much love, time and respect they have for each other.

Shukran and Afwan are two of the words that I heard the most last night. Yes I have always known what they mean but really to see these people mean what they say was truly beautiful. For those of you that don’t know, Shukran means ‘Thank you’ and Afwan means ‘it’s a pleasure’

We sat at the table and I have this little ritual that I do before I eat. I think of one thing that I am grateful for. Last night before I ate I was grateful for the fact that I have Muslim friends so that I may experience that closeness that I did. 
As western white people we tend to dismiss the elderly and senile. One of the Aunts there last night is a very old woman who has in the last year become riddled with Alzheimer’s disease. And I know that in our culture people will steer clear of her, talk behind her back and stare, My Goddess people love to stare and it is such a rude thing to do.  Even at Paul’s family gathering people did it to their own Granny. While she sat in the corner and you could see that she had no idea, where she was, who these people were and why she was there. It tore my heart open and I just wanted to cry.

This old lady last night was talking to everyone and everyone entertained her. She was the old crone. Senile and riddled with Alzheimer’s, she sometimes spoke very wisely and other times she spoke the biggest load of bullshit, but no one dismissed her. No one put her aside or out of the way. No one made fun of her and people respected her for being a matriarch. It was profound.

I want to thank you two for allowing myself and Paul to be in your beautiful home and to be present at such a sacred day.

Shukran Yasmin, Shukran Soraya.

I try to go to as many different cultural and religious gatherings as what I possibly can, when I get invited of course. Our cleaning lady at work, an African woman that is busy doing her Sangoma training, has now told me that when I want I must let her know and she will take me with to one of her gatherings. I look forward to it yet I am anxious as I do not know what to expect or what will be expected of me but that is part of the experience. So in the near future I am off to the people that cared for our Mother Africa, long before we set our feet on these lands, to experience their way of life, to learn from them and to hopefully grow a little wiser in the process. I will be sure to tell you all about it.

Mwah