Heavens Paradise Party!

So the world is doing its nut today because apparently throughout the day there is gonna be weird shit happening that is gonna cause the end of our civilization. I don’t know about that. I never bought into this Mayan thing of the doomsday and even if I die today, I have never seen nor heard a sign that would save or damn my soul.

When it comes to saving of souls part though I am a bit confused how the Christians assume they going to heaven to day due to the Mayan prophecy. I clearly missed the part in The Bible where they talk about how the Israelites and the Mayans live happily together in Israel and worship god together. Maybe that is in a unabridged version, which I clearly never read. It’s all very confusing. Also like my friend Julian said.

“Jesus did not say ‘No one shall know the time of my return,…except for the Mayans.”

Seems to me like the Mayans were fucqing crazy people. They knew all kinds of shit this year. I have posters saying they knew that Obama would win the election again. They knew that Riaan Cruywagen was gonna retire and this is in fact why the world is ending. They apparently knew that Zuma would be reelected as ANC president. These people knew fucqing everything man.  Back to my point.

I decided that maybe I should write a blog today since this might be last one ever. I mean we could all be fucqed by the end of today.

Lines and lines of people in front of heaven, St.Peter standing at the Pearly gates, dressed in war paint, head shaved clean, lots of golden facial jewels……You know as I am typing this I actually understand the Christo-Pagan phenomenon for the first time. Those bitches are just covering both their bases. It makes sense now. Even they will be allowed into heaven if the shit strikes the fan cuz Mayan blend St. Peter will allow them in cuz they a blend of Christianity and …..whatever the fuck. I suppose that was also the idea behind ‘Jews for Jesus’….Some Mexican man somewhere has a cult following him of men that don’t have foreskins and swears in Yiddish. All kinds of mental images are floating in my head now. Funily enough the most bizarre one is seeing Jews in Mexico drinking tequila with some dark skinned rif raf called Jesus on a crate in the dusty road.

So last night Paul and I were lying in bed. We have this little thing we say to each other every night before we go to bed. It goes as follows.

Z: “Good night my love, sleep tight”

P: “I will thank you. You too love.”

Z “I will try. Sweet dreams my love.”

P: ‘”I will try”

Z: “In case I die in my sleep, remember I love very much”

P: “You won’t die and I love you too”

So last night at the end I tell him that if tonight is indeed our last night he must remember that I love him very much. He responded by telling me that he loves me too and that he will see me in hell if that is the case. No, you see I told him that I wouldn’t be joining him in hell. I am going to heaven. He didn’t understand so I explained.

I am an Interfaith Minister. I got all my bases cover. No matter who is right, I am going to the Promised Land baby. He asked me if I really wanted to sing Gods praises the whole day, everyday. And you know, I can think of worse things to do. Also I have always wanted to be in and head one of those African American Gospel Choirs. Hmmmmmm Jeeesssussssssss, I said Jeesssuuussssss!!! I could so do that. Bwhahahahahahahahahaha

But then I thought again and realized that I am simply not a follower. There is nothing wrong with being a follower; I am just simply not one. I can’t. I was told that my personality is way to strong to not be a leader. So, I told Paul that I will probably start a riot or some shit, and then run for CEO of heaven. Can you imagine that shit? All over the world people will be texting “OMZ”. Bwhahahahahahahahahaha. Well the first thing I will do is to go the lovely flowing rivers in heaven. We have heard of these beautiful landscapes. When at the river we will test out that ‘water to wine’ trick and see how that goes.

Anyone that refuses to shave, I will show them what a burning bush looks like. A lot of things will change in heaven.

On Earth, Nuns will be married to the big Z F. My name will be used in vain by people all over. And I get to smite people. That is one of the best things. I get to smite your ass if I hear you causing some kak that will upset the equilibrium of My Paradise. Bwhahahahahahahaha, And believe me, Heaven will be a Fucqing Paradise!

Anyway, it’s nice to be able to talk shit. If for some bizarre reason we do all see our asses by the end of today. It doesn’t count if you show other people your ass though. Although there are a few asses I wouldn’t mind to see. Anyway, if we do all see our ass then it has been a fucqing awesome ride people!! And I hope we all enjoy the after party!!

Mwah!!

Pink Speedo

My Brother Neil!

I dedicate this blog to my Brother Neil.I am sorry Neil, your pink Speedo forced my hand to write this!

“Speedo® originated in 1914 under the brand name 'Fortitude', which was taken from the motto on the clan MacRae crest. It didn't become known by its now famous brand name until 1928.

The company was started by a young Scot called Alexander MacRae, who migrated to Australia in 1910, and set up an underwear manufacture business called MacRae Hosiery manufacturers.

In response to the growing beach culture in Australia, MacRae quickly expanded his operations to include swimwear and changed the company name to MacRae Knitting Mills.”

When it comes to underwear, you can wear pretty much whatever your partner likes.  Let’s face it, YOU might be the one wearing it, but your partner is the one you are trying to get all hot bothered with your sexy undies. So it doesn’t really matter what it looks like as the world doesn’t see it, and believe me in some cases this is a huge, or rather, small blessing. Depending on whom we are talking about.

But in 1929, Speedo begun full swing operation in manufacturing a figure hugging swimsuit that looks like old fashion undies. The popular brand name became synonymous with that particular product and today if you talk about a Speedo, everyone knows what you mean.

I am a reasonable man. I can understand most fashion trends and even created a few. I wear clothing that most people would not be seen in dead. As a matter of fact, just yesterday my sister in law called me ‘The Male Gaga’. That is such an awesome compliment and that is really how she intended it. My point is that most clothing disasters I can kind of understand. But the Speedo?......Really? Let me paint a picture.

Firstly, most men about 90% of them, over the age of 40, should not take their shirts off in public. I am sure we can all understand that. Hey I am not dissing, thinking that I can. Oh hell no, there is no way I will take my shirt off either. I was after all the body double for Jabba the Hut! Ok so at a certain age gravity becomes really cruel and the body kind of looses it’s previously perfect shape. What was on your chest is closer to your navel and what was between your legs you know have keep away from under your feet when you walk. The added tummy and wrinkles and now graying hair that peels out everywhere also doesn’t help.

However, in the younger generation let me point something out to firstly all the straight boys and then all the straight and gay boys that wear these Australian made disasters.

For the straight boys, the homophobes who prance around in these Speedo’s, what is it that you think we gay boys see and think when you prance around like that. For that matter the women do the same. Remember we are sitting with the women, checking out the boys. You better have a very good lunchbox (this is gay language for package, penis, cock, crown jewels) to be able to pull that off. And please don’t think you have a good lunchbox when you don’t. Ask a friend that is female or a gay. Not your partner cuz they are obligated to lie to you.

Lets say for arguments sake that you do have a good to look at lunchbox. You have to keep the following in mind then. One, you are going to get the gay boys looking at you and lusting. Cuz even the gay boys that are tops (this means they are the giving person in sex) like to suck a good cock.  So you will be stared at. Secondly you have to keep in mind that unless you are at a hot water spring or a heated pool, that speedo is not going to sit so nice and tight when you get out of the water. There is gonna be lots more room in it and you must be prepared for that ridicule. That is the kind of ridicule men get that has a little itty bitty lunchbox. If you are unsure of your endowments, the average male penis is between 5 and 7 inches, that is roughly between 12.5 and 17.5 centimeters. Erect of course.

The second fashion fucqup that I am not too sure about is straight men wearing pink. Or gay men wearing pink shirts that have a quote on it like 100% man. Firstly that quote should not be on a fucqing pink shirt. Secondly, the gay I saw wearing it was really camp (gay word for over the top moffie). A pink shirt will make you look gay. There is nothing you can do about it! It was designed that way. I see someone wearing a pink shirt and I mutter to Paul “Sjoe Meisie”. Even gays make fun of gays wearing pink shirts.

All of this I can still kind of, under the right conditions, stomach. Like Paul has a pink shirt. He is actually wearing it today. But he looks really sexy in that shirt his blue jeans that frames his ass perfectly, his green cross flip flops and his Ray-Ban police sun glasses. Sjoe, then the blood leaves the brain alone.

But back to my point. I have recently seen that they have now joined these two disasters. And the modern man is wearing Pink Speedos…………………………….I actually had no words…………………………

How is that not Gay?

I am Camp. That is too Camp for me. That screams “Hi, I am a Twinkie (gay term for young thin boy that mostly takes it) slut and would like to meet you in the bathroom where you can fucq me till I bleed.”

I am just saying, someone should have thought this through. There is a show on T.V. called “Queer eye for the straight guy”. Yea that is because if there is one thing that gay men know, it is cock, ass, money, shopping, accessories, good cuisine, interior designing, landscaping, hair, oh, and clothes. Don’t be afraid to ask your gay buddy or brother to rather go with you to buy your swim wear. We love shopping and making people look good. Ask Hobbit!

Have a fabulous Long weekend South Africa. The rest of the world, jammer om van julle kak te hoor!

Mwah!!

Ouija Board

One of my students and friends asked me over the weekend. In April 2003 I wrote an article about this for the 'Wiccan Read' e-zine, and now decided to flesh it out. So here is my write up on the Ouija Board, 

Ouija boards are used to have, what is commonly known as a séance. Its sole purpose is to contact people who have passed on to the other side and sometimes even your Spirit Guides. This does of course become too technical when one thinks of the Collective Consciousness and the souls that are incarnated into life yet remains part of the Consciousnss. The one Serious question that then begs to be asked is: “Could you contact yourself, from a previous life, through the Ouija board?” I cannot comment on this as I have not had such an experience but the belief is that, yes you can.  Although there is no conclusive evidence to show that Spirit communication is actually being achieved, this is the object of using an Ouija Board.

The name OUIJA is pronounced as WEE-JA. Ouija is of the most commonly miss spelt and mispronounced names in the English language. The more common name used (pronounced) is "weejie" which is completely incorrect. The meaning of the word OUIJA is a combination of the French and German words for "yes".The more common Ouija board usually consists of the entire alphabet, the words yes, no, goodbye and a pointer known as the "planchette". Other boards sometimes contain more detail including colours, star signs and other information. It does not matter what any Ouija Board contains on it, what matters is making it work.

The idea of the Ouija board (as we know it today) allegedly came about in 1848 when two sisters in the USA believed they could talk to a spirit and started up a simple form of communicating with it by tapping on a table or the wall, each tap or knock represented a letter of the alphabet. Pretty much like Morse code.

(There are however traces of Ouija board history that goes back to 1100AD China. This was discovered in the historical Song Dynasty  documents. How ever it was referred to as Planchette Writing. It is believed that that under strict ritual this practiced was the central practise of the Quanzhen School until it was forbidden by the Qing Dynasty. Similar forms of writing existed throughout the world. How ever none of these was the exact same concept as the Ouija board.)

Close to the beginning of the 1900’s, an early prototype of Ouija board was developed and it was common for people to participate in regular séances and attempts to contact the spirit world. Although many of these earlier séances were often hosted by fraudulent mediums who were after money and would resort to all sorts of trickery. Contacting the spirit world, for whichever reason, has afterall been human kinds greatest obsession since the dawn of time. Finally a useful and different board design was thought up by 2 Americans. Elijah Bond and Charles Kennard. Kennard claimed that through using the board he got the name ‘Ouija’ which according to him was derived from an olf Egyptian word, meaning ‘Good Luck’. However it is only in 1901 when an Employee of them, Willaim Fuld, took over the talking board business that it was patented as Ouija Board. Fuld passed into Spirit in 1927, and it is in 1966 that his estate solf the board to Parker brothers, who in 1991 sold it to Hasbro.

  

In 1973 a horror movie was released which was to have a profound impact on the Ouija board and it's use which still carries through to this day. The film was "The Exorcist".The Ouija board then suffered a great decline - people believed the Exorcist was real. They believed that if they touched or played with this board that they would suffer Demonic possession or bring in bad spirits. This was the first of many films to bring forward the idea in people that he use of the Ouija is wicked and evil.Matters weren't helped when it was widely publicized that The Exorcist was based on a supposedly true story. The media never told the truth behind the real story about a young boy who was more than likely subjected to physical abuse and suffered severe mental torment from it, no demons or evil was ever involved in the case.

Since then the board and it's use has suffered much bad publicity and all sorts of religious dammings. People are scared of the board and quite often feel compelled to go and burn it in the backyard. There should be no need to do this as it's only a cheap piece of wood with some writing on it - there is nothing evil about an Ouija board.

What actually happens with an Ouija board is still very much controversial. It had been widely explored by paranormal experts and to this day there are still experiments being carried out to try to further our knowledge of what these boards actually do. The greatest and most common theory is that somehow the participants of the séance are creating the planchette or pointer to move with their own minds, albeit unknowingly. Teenagers seem to suffer the greatest reactions, this is thought to be in alignment with current and past cases of known poltergeist activities being attributed to young persons within a household. Teenagers and persons of a younger age seem to get the most violent actions, including table movement, movement of objects around the house, the board being thrown or moved, the planchette (pointer) being thrown or moved, strange feelings of cold and other various incidents.

However, the fact is that nobody can prove what really does happen during a séance, so I advise caution and care if you plan on using a Ouija board.

Important Things about Ouija Boards:

* It is not evil - it's merely a board with some black letters and a planchette

* If you go purposely looking for evil or demons you might possibly get something unwanted such as that, even if its just negative energy from your own mind or your friends around you, we don't know how the movement of the planchette is created - but please take care. My mother used to say: :if you are looking to find a devil behind every corner, then you will”

* Nothing will come from a board if you leave it lying around. You do not need to burn it or throw it away if you have a bad experience. It cannot work without people making it work

* They say that never let anyone be involved in a séance who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Famous author, Konstantinos, says that you should never waste a trance enduced state, no matter how it was induced. He is also an expert on Spirit communication. So you decide on this one.

* Tiredness will stop the board from working properly. Make sure all members of the séance are fully awake and not overly tired.

* Non believers and overly skeptical people can also sometimes ruin a séance, it's a good idea to approach a board with an open mind.

* Don't all start arguing about who's moving the planchette, trust me, everyone does it!. It upsets the mood and some people get very angry and ruin the entire thing. If you feel that someone is pushing the planchette ask them to remove their hands for a short time.

* You Are Not Bringing Spirits Into This World By Merely Talking To Them Through A Board, as has been previously stated, we don't know 100% what exactly is creating the planchette to move, so please remain open minded to the whole experience and don't believe other information that is commonly told of bringing spirits into the world, opening doorways you cannot close.

Getting Started - How Do I Work A Ouija Board?

* 2 or more people are recommended for using the Ouija board - more than three can be a bit two crowded - the general feeling is that three is just about the right amount for a séance. But I have attended many that were  up to 6 people. It does cramped sometimes and the information may come through as jumbled due there being something for everyone.

* Form a circle around the board with all participating members. In my opinion this is no needed, but if it will make everyone feel better then please do so.

* Link hands left on top of right. Sit like this for a while just to create a calm atmosphere and to get everyone’s energy to be in sync.

* Place 2 fingers of each person upon the Planchette. One will do, if you are six people.

* Have someone standing by with a pen and paper to write everything down as you wont remember everything after it is done.

* Ask questions such as "Would anyone like to come forth and talk"?

* Make sure only one person asks questions at a time which avoids confusion

* Never EVER ask for anything you do not wish to deal with - do not do the typical stupid teenage thing of asking for a "sign" that the spirit is really there. We have just about all done it, and since we do not really know how the board works I do not know what triggered my lights to all switch off only at the wall switches, but it happened.

* If the board does not work try swapping participants around and taking some participants hands off the Planchette, especially the those of the skeptics.

* The planchette should start off by spinning circles - some say that this is the spirit trying to gain energy to communicate - some say it is the spirit finding it's way around the board. Who knows for sure. Also this does not always happen.

* If you do not understand what the spirit is trying to communicate to you ask it to either repeat it or ask questions that will clearly define what you would like to know.

* If a spirit appears to be having trouble communicating ask what you can do to improve the communication

* If a spirit points to "good bye" let it go

* If you want to finish the séance, place the planchette on "Good Bye" and say that you are now leaving. Everyone should then remove their hands from the board and the table. The board will be closed.

Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins

Those of you that follow my blog will have learnt by now that I have it in for Snow White. I think she is the worst role model any girl can have. Or boy, I am not judging. There are however people that do not agree with me. Biblical people. Mense wat hard bid. I then decided to take the Bible to show people how Snow White is bad. You see I figured if they can condemn anything (the Beatles, Lady Gaga, Spongebob and and and) as per to what the Bible says, then sure as shit I can condemn Snow White, or Candy as she is now called. To prove my point let us take a look at Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.

Lust

Lust or lechery (carnal "luxuria") is an intense desire. It is usually thought of as excessive sexual wants, however the word was originally a general term for desire. Therefore lust could involve the intense desire of money, fame, or power as well.

On a sexual level, shall I remind you that she shared a house with 7 men. She lived there for free. How do you think she repaid them? She didn’t close a leg.

When we look at her desires, she seems like a good kid, but go do your research. In Rammstein music video “Sonne” she is desires wealth. The dwarves has to slave away for her. When they don’t perform as she pleases, she fucqs them up. Kinda makes me think of another major player in the Bible.

Gluttony

 Derived from the Latin gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow, gluttony (Latin, gula) is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste. In Christian religions, it is considered a sin because of the excessive desire for food, and it’s withholding from the needy. Because of these scripts, gluttony can be interpreted as selfishness; essentially placing concern with one's own interests above the well-being or interests of others.

It is the second part here that is of concern to me. When she arrived at the house of the dwarves, she simply made herself at home. She just about insisted that they allow her to stay at their pozzy. Not taking into consideration the factor of invading their privacy, the financial implications or the fact that she might be placing their house and lives in great danger after the shit she caused. No she simply insisted to stay there.

Greed

Greed (Latin, avaritia), also known as avarice or covetousness, is, like lust and gluttony, a sin of excess. However, greed (as seen by the church) is applied to a very excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of material possessions.

I do believe that we covered this point at Lust already. But please go look at the music video. She a money hungry whore!!

Sloth

Sloth (Latin, Socordia) can entail different vices. While sloth is sometimes defined as physical laziness, spiritual laziness is emphasized. Failing to develop spiritually is key to becoming guilty of sloth. In Christian faith, sloth rejects grace and God.

People don’t believe me when I say she is guilty of this sin, so lets take a peek. When it comes to physical laziness, remember that she didn’t actually clean the dwarves house. She got the forest creatures to do it for her. On the second part of sloth. If she was a good Christian, she would firstly not challenge her mothers authority to have her killed. Secondly, if life was so shitty, why didn’t she pray it better? Also not once do we hear her talking about the importance of the Christian God by spreading the gospels. Don’t try to tell me that being a good Christian means you don’t have to do this, because according to:

Matthew 28:19

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

Mark 16:15

And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. 

In fact all of these verses speak of spreading the Gospels by Christians

Galatians 6:9, Matthew 24:14, 2 Timothy 3:16, Ephesians 5:1-6:24, John 20:19-23, 2 Thessalonians 2:14-15, 1 Corinthians 11:1-2, 1 John 2:4, Luke 1:47-48, Jeremiah 26:2, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Matthew 18:16 , Isaiah 12:4, Psalm 96:3, Ezekiel 3:17

Wrath

Wrath (Latin, ira), also known as "rage", may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. Wrath, in its purest form, presents with self-destructiveness, violence, and hate that may provoke feuds that can go on for centuries. Wrath may persist long after the person who did another a grievous wrong is dead. Feelings of anger can manifest in different ways, including impatience, revenge, and vigilantism.

I will direct you once more to the music video where she fucqs up the dwarves. On the topic of feuds, should she not have turned the other cheek, instead of running for it, which created this feud.

Envy

Like greed and lust, Envy (Latin, invidia) is characterized by an insatiable desire. Envy is similar to jealousy in that they both feel discontent towards someones traits, status, abilities, or rewards. The difference is the envious also desire that entity and covet it.

Kinda makes you wonder why she was so insistent that the dwarves make her stay there. That’s all I am saying. Think about it.

Pride

In almost every list, pride (Latin, superbia), or hubris (Greek), is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self.

Really do I even need to explain this one? I mean what is the damn fairytale about? Snow White is the most beautiful person in the Land. People worship her looks. This of course created Envy. Not to mention deflecting the worshipping from God.

There you have them, the seven deadly sins and how Snow White is guilty of each of them. Have a great day people

Mwah!!

Mother Monster

Firstly let me just say: OH MY HOLY FUCQING BLACK JESUS ON A STICK, I SAW THE MOTHER MONSTER LIVE!!!!!

The Screens before the show Started

Ok now let me tell you how all of this went down.

We didn’t have tickets to go her concert at all as they were a bit pricey and we have to buy for two. Of course I also don’t want to sit way at the back. This fucqing Gaga people. I want to be as close as what I can, cuz I ruled out Golden Circle, as it was way too expensive. Anyway we didn’t have tickets. We did however have plans for sushi in Sea Point with our friend Anton. So you know, out of sight and out of mind and I don’t need to think about all the people that are going to see Gaga. Well so I thought.

Singing Born This Way

My sister (the oldest one, Claudette) then tells me that she got two VIP tickets and she is taking my youngest sister with her. I am of course as jealous as all hell, but decide to try and at least be happy for them. Which I think I managed, to a certain point. Conflicting emotions really. Being Happy for them and jealous at the same time. My oldest sister is not even a Gaga fan. 

So on the way to Sushi, after sulking the entire day, my sisters tell me they are at Cubana having VIP drinks. I of course tell them to go fucq themselves, hehehehe. But Simone, my baby sister, asks if we wont make a turn there on our way in and have a drink with them. As you know I have a difficult time saying no to a beautiful, young, vibrant, sassy drink.

As we park the car at Cape Quarter Simone phones me again and asks me how much I love her. So I thought this was in reference to me telling her she can blow the mattress up with her mouth and not use the pump, as she was sleeping over at our place (just because I was being all "I can't go to see Gaga"). I tell her that I love her lots. Cuz I do, I love both of sisters very much. I am not blind to their mistakes and bullshit but I would kill for them. Next to Paul they mean the world to me. Paul is my everything though. Where was I, so I tell her that yes I do love her. Then she says that, that is a good thing cuz she just got free tickets for me to see Gaga.

Singing Electric Chapel with our National Flag!!

I think Paul’s ears are still bleeding. Sorry my love!

Now I phone Anton and tell him that sushi (which is my favourite food) can go fucq itself cuz he is coming with us to watch Gaga. We get to my sisters and I lift Simone up as I hug her. I am now over the fucqing moon. She tells me that the tickets are back, standing, general admission tickets. You know what, I am going to see Gaga live; you can put me on the fucqing roof for all I care. From Cubana we have to walk to the Stadium as all the roads are blocked. Took us two and a half hours to get home. Anyway so we are walking to the stadium and I have this…..’I just got Jizzz’ grin. I can hardly keep myself in and I just want to jump up and down and go bos. I am going to see Gaga. The day cannot get any better.

We arrive at the stadium and now we have to split up with my sisters as they are VIP and we are just General Admission. I don’t have smokes on me and I seriously need one at this time. So Anton buys me a pack as in all of this I forgot to draw money. Thank you Anton!!!! We walk in holding our tickets acting all smugg cuz we got free tickets. Not the best tickets but hell they were free and we are here. So we show our tickets and they put wristbands on us, we carry on walking into the stadium.

The red X is where we were!

As we turn off to go stand at the back one female usher looks at my wristband and says “Sorry you have Golden Circle Tickets, just carry on straight to the security and they will let you in” It was at that point that I could have creamed myself, fucq her out of appreciation, pass out, and maybe even piss myself. I was flustered and tried to explain to the now confused Paul and Anton what was happening cuz they didn’t hear this. I couldn’t get much out but I knew that this must be what Heaven was like. There we were in the right centre of the Golden Circle. I wanted to cry and laugh hysterically at the same time.

The show started and all I can say is HOLY FUCQING SHIT!!! She is a entertainer of note and it was such an awesome show that she put on. It was out of this world. She said that she would dance her pussy off for us and I promise you she did. She had audience people on the stage singing and dancing with her. One of her whispered in her ear and then she said: "Amandla", the crowd went African like only we can!!! She interacted with the people and her stage was a 6-story caste of which the front walls opened up to show you the inside of the castle. She came out on a mechanical horse that was so perfectly done that in the beginning I thought it was real, and we were close to the stage. Her first song was Highway Unicorn and she ended with Marry the Night. When she spoke she spoke about being a free person and having acceptance for yourself and realizing you are an awesome person and Fucq what people think about you or say about you.

There is way too much to tell and I am also still processing everything, as it all still seems a bit unreal to me.

The Encore, singing Edge of Glory

I SAW GAGA LIVE!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!! GOLDEN FUCQING CIRCLE!!!!!!!! As you can tell I am still high on Gaga energy.

She is coming back again and if you didn’t go last night then I can promise you, it is so worth the ticket!! GO!!!!!!

Mwah!!!

What's in a Name?

Lately a lot of people have been asking me about my name. You know Zeo. For some reason people are now sparked with interest as to my craft name. What it means and where it comes from. Instead of answering every single person one on one, I decided to rather write it here where I only have to do it once. Lazy bitch….*clears throat*

Numerology Key

Firstly, according to Numerology I am an Air element. Yet according to Astrology I am a water element. I have always loved air, wind. The wind in my face and hair, swirling around my body. To me that represents freedom. I have often imagined what it must be like to be able to fly. To have that ultimate freedom. To just take flight! I also love movies about natural disasters and one of them, that I watched over and over, was Twister. I can stare at incense smoke for hours. My point is I like the wind, air, smoke, call it what you will.

At the start of 2001, I started having dreams. Dreams that I am some kind of air entity. Well it didn’t start that way, it starting out by the entity coming to me in dreams and as the dreams progressed I gradually became him. Bit by bit until I was made out of air. It was fabulous. Imagine something like Dame Judy Dench from ‘The Chronicles of Riddick’, but less solid. Somehow more wild and free. Naturally I loved this.

But as all of us of the old ways are, I couldn’t just accept these dreams and had to research it. So I went into my books. I found in one of the books the name Zio, who was apparently an air elemental of Roman times. Overjoyed I went to numerology and checked it out. Paddapoom paddapoom, it worked out and I adopted the name Zio. Some time later I wanted to read up on it again and to this day I cannot remember what book it was in, let alone find the book. It is like it completely disappeared. I can’t even remember what the cover looks like. Some have said to me that I read this on the astral in the Akashic Records. I don’t know. But the story carries on. I then wrote an Article in the mid of 2001, for an online magazine called ‘Silver Moon Pagan’ under the name Zio. I was resolved that, that was now my name.

One drunken night I came home, from Goddess alone only knows where, and something told me to check, once again the numerology value of Zio. So I did. It didn’t match at all. I was freaked out but decided that I can still save this and decided to change it to Zeo, as that seemed to work out on my numerology. Zeo it was then.

A few weeks later my sister and I started the on-line magazine called “The Wiccan Read”. There I got known by Zeo. Our E-zine went out to all over the globe and people started to know me as Zeo. By about mid 2002 I got home drunk one night again. Yes there is a pattern here, bravo for spotting it!

Again something told me to check out the name. And low in behold Zeo does not work out to my numerology value, but Zio does. So now I panic. I can’t change the name now. The entire bloody world knows me as Zeo. To change it now would be stupid. So I am on the phone to one of my mentors. Now I am having a Pagan crisis. Over the top drama queen, should have known then already that I was gay. She then told me to stop fretting about it and just stick with Zeo. It wont change my life.  So Zeo it is.

Interestingly enough Zeo is also the name of a Power ranger or brand of Power Ranger. Something like that. All I know is it is the one with the star on the forehead. How apt is that? I thought it was kak funny that I am the Power ranger with the Pentagram on the forehead.

Zio is also Italian for the word Uncle. I have to admit that I would rather be an Power ranger than an Uncle. But it has sparked Mirelle to call me Uncle. Boys will be boys.

The Frost part is really very simple actually and very unglamorous. No it has nothing to do with Emma Frost from the X-Men.

When I was a boy growing up, mom and I was driving somewhere, can’t remember where. We drove past a huge factory like place and on it in big bold letters was written ‘Mendelson & Frost’ From that moment I wanted that to be my surname one day. I loved it.

Today I am Zeo Frost. So no, it is not my birth name and surname. But it works for me and I am happy being Zeo Frost.

Have a great day!!

Mwah!!

Waar daar 'n Hobbit is?...........

Ek het nou al baie gepraat in my blogs oor mense, vriende wat my gehelp en gevorm het tot die mens wat ek vandag nie is nie. In die verlede, weet ek, het ek al gepraat van my vriendin Samantha Smith, of soos ons haar affectionately noem, Hobbit.

Hobbit in die storie van "The Thing About Trees"

Die noem naam is iets wat sy die eerste aand wat ons mekaar ontmoet het, gekroon mee was. En die rede daarvoor is maklik verstaanbaar. Toe lengte uit gedeel was, was sy nie in die lyn nie. Sy was nie vokken naby die lyn nie. Sy is omtrent letterlik die lengte van een van Tolkien se Hobbits. Sy is nie ‘n dwerg nie, sy is net moer kort. Dis haar disposition. Seriously, die chick is kort. Neem ‘n maatband en meet uit 1.29 meter. Dit is hoe kort sy is. ‘n Vokken Hobbit. Hel haar dildo’s is amper groter as wat sy is. Jeff Dunham kan sy hand in haar gat op druk en haar gebruik as n puppet.

Verder is sy vreeslik onopvallend. Ek bedoel dit nie as n ombeskofde ding nie, maar langs my, lyk sy baie boring. Sy dra geen make-up en het geen piercings (nie eers oorbelle nie, dit is n lang storie).  Sy het klein oevaal brilletjies en ‘n slap, kan nie worry, ponytale. Die is vas gemaak met n pers velvet scrunchy (ja soos in die 80’s) wat n goue draadtjie in dit het. Ja, dit is die EEN wat sy dra. Daai ding is al moeg gedra, maar hare sal hy vashou!

Van klere koop weet die arme vrou ook nie veel nie en dis nou al n roetiene dat ek gaan saam as sy klere wil koop, anders lyk sy soos ‘n ondier in ‘n tracksuit.

En as jy haar net mooi genoeg vra sal sy haar tietties vir enige man of vrou wys. Nie oor sy n slet is nie, net oor sy nie body hang-ups het nie. Dit is nogal iets van haar wat ek admire.

Die rede hoekom ek besluit het om oor die vrou te skryf, is die kak wat by haar mond uitval. Dis asof sy net n halwe gesprek met jou het en die ander helfte gebeur in haar kop. Die twee helftes stem ook nie altyd saam nie en wat sy dan doen na die praat stem bitter selde oor een met die twee halwe gesprekke. Dis party maal net makliker om jou kop te skud.

Hobbit as Voortrekker Heks, but die Big Walk

Die naweek wat verby is het ons die vrydag aand n Dedication Ritual gehad en die Saterdag was my en Paul se verjaardag partytjie. Hobbit se kar is in sy moer in. Ek se toe vir haar dat ons haar sal kan optel vir die ritual maar ons gaan nie weer daarna Tableview toe om haar af te drop nie, dus sal sy moet oorlsaap. Omdat sy oorlsaap sal sy dan ook haar goed moet pak die die partytjie van Saterdag. “Sjoe” se Hobbit “maar dis baie goed om rond te dra.” Nou let wel, dat die Ritual en die Partytjie is alby, by Augustha se huis gehou. Verder se Hobbit toe “Dalk moet eerder dan reel dat ek by Augustha oor bly die aand”

What the Fucq!! Hoe los dit die probleem op van baie goed pak? Weet ek nou nog nie, maar ok daar gelos. Sy gaan mos nou met Gustha reel. Vrydag aand, na ritual se Hobbit dat ons neem haar mos weer huis toe……erens het ek n chapter gemis. Die girl se kop clutch nie altyd lekker nie.

Ons gaan na McDonalds, was so aan die begin van die jaar. Stop by die drive through en ek order wat ek wil he. Nou kyk sy na my met n vraag teken op haar gesig. So asof ek nou weet wat sy wil he. Let wel sy bestuur, dus is die drive through speaker aan haar kant. Sy seg heel gedooie vir die vrou “I will have that thing with the cheese”. Dis vokken McDonalds, die helfte van hulle menu het kaas op en sy vra vir die ding met die kaas. Hoe de poes?

Hobbit se kyk

Nou weet die arme cashier antie nie mooi nie want eish man, this was not in da training. Sy vra natuurlik vir Hobbit, hoe meen sy. Hobbit weet nie wat die ding met die kaas se naam is nie en raak nou bevok vir antie cashier, oor sy haar pressure om n antwoord te gee. Dis maar net maand einde. Die hele vokken Parow is by die drive through, nee ons het tyd dat Hobbit en die Cashier mekaar nou goed bevok kan maak. Nou “eish, eish” die cashier en Hobbit vok al aan met “the thing with the cheese”. Tussen in kry ek so elke nou en dan kyk van haar af wat se “Kan jy glo die vokken cashier” Ek is iewers tussen lag, huil en dood skaam. Uit eindelik bestel Hobbit toe nou maar net gewone burger want sy kan steeds nie onthou watse ding met die kaas dit is nie. Die cashier moet teen die tyd n bottle Rescue Remedy down. Right ek dog toe nou dat dis nou klaar. Wat ons die kos kry, besef ek dat die storie is toe nou nie klaar nie. Jirre daar gaan Hobbit af oor die dat sy die verkeerde ding gekry het. Want sy wou nie eintlik nie burger gehad het nie, sy wou die ding met die kaas gehad het, maar die vokken cashier se nalatigheid, sal sy nou maar die kak burger eet. Ek was stom gelsaan en teen die tyd ook nat gepis van die lag. Ek ken nou al vir Hobbit vir amper 3 jaar. En ek het goed geraak daarin om maar net kop te skud.

Hobbit as die Queen of Hearts

Maar laat ek jou dit vertel van haar. As jy 2uur die oggend ‘n probleem het, dan is sy daar. Sy is n earlike lojaale mens en ‘n moerse bok vir sports.

Mense het my al gevra: “hoekom is jy vriende met haar, sy weird my uit.” En veel ander dinge ook wat nie so mooi is nie. Ja ons almal weet sy is gevok in haar kop en dat sy die kortste crayon is in die pak. Sy weet dit ook, maar sy is een van daai rare mense wat die lewe net soveel beter maak omdat sy ‘n opregte vriendin is. Deur al haar kak en voorbarigheid en die feit dat sy nie reg dink nie, of partykeer vokkol dink nie, is sy 'n regte vriend wat werklik n wonderlike mens is. 

Met al jou kak is ek baie lief vir jou meisie!

Mwah!

Over induldging

When I was in primary school we didn’t mix with the English kids. They were seen as rich snobs and mean. They were mean, but in hindsight, they weren’t rich snobs. We just for some reason decided that all of them were like that. When I was in Standard 5, in today’s terms that is Grade 7, we had Sex Education every Friday, in the assembly hall. All the Grade 7’s as one class. English and Afrikaans mixed.

In one of the lessons they were discussing the anatomy and then masturbation. We were split into two groups, the boys and the girls and we had to answer a series of questions with the help of the teacher of course. For the life of me I cannot remember these questions. There is only one that has always stuck in my head. “When is masturbation dangerous?”

Well we got together again as one group and were now going to discuss our answers to these very bizarre questions. We got to that one faithful question. One of the English girls (clearly a teachers pet) nearly dislocated her shoulder to raise her hand to answer this question. She proudly stood up and said:

“When you do it with sharp objects”

Now I saw my first Porno when I was about in Grade 5. I knew all about the birds and the bees, hell I knew all the pigeons and frogs and dragonflies as well. In that moment in time I could however not stop myself from laughing. And once the laughing started, I could not make it stop. They then asked her for example. Oh Jesus that was the wrong thing to do.

“Knives, broken bottle necks, un sanded wood,”  and I don’t know what all she mentioned. I was on the fucqing floor! I also knew in that moment that this chick was gonna grow up to be either a porn star or a dominatrix, maybe even both. I to this day, because I can’t remember her name, do not know what she grew up to be. Either way her lover is either very happy or scared shitless.

But to be honest in all the years, that is the only thing about sex-ed that stuck with me and it has made me think about lots of things. My mom used to say that something is bad when it has a –te- attached to it. This only makes sense in Afrikaans. Te-veel, te-swaar, te-lelik, te-lekker and so on. But then when put into context of masturbation, with which –te- does it become bad? Does the –te- even play a role here? Someone said when the skin becomes raw. Really? When you masturbate so much that your skin becomes raw, you need to stop for a while before your hand makes a case of rape against you and use some damn lube!

Is there such a thing as over indulging and then by who’s standards are these things measured. I am not just talking about masturbation or sex, I mean in general. As a child you get conditioned about how much of what you are allowed. As you get older you obviously experiment more and more and more until you kinda know your limits. But we all have different limits and that is what makes this such a difficult thing to say. You know how there is always one person at a party who has had "more than enough to drink". (usually this is either myself or Debbie). But who decided that? To you more than enough might be one glass, to Arcagh it might be when he starts speaking in tongues and me it might be when I pass out. But we have a different limit that we wish to reach, for which ever reason. Ok obviously if you are going to endanger other people by fucqing them with a broken bottle neck, that is too much, but if you are only gonna use that broken bottle neck on yourself and you are willing to live with your bleeding bits, then who the fucq am I to judge you.

I explained it to my sister once as the following:

We all are born with this box. The box is labeled 'Life'. Inside, the box is filled with hundreds, if not thousands of those Styrofoam balls. Then one day, this box breaks open at the bottom (this is when we start to think for ourselves and start to do things for ourselves and no longer rely on Mummy and or Daddy) and the Styrofoam balls roll fucqing everywhere. We try to catch it all and put things back together but we don’t all do it the same way, we just do it to the best of our ability. And sometimes what seems right and or normal to me might be completely fucqed up to someone else, but we still have no right to judge.

To conclude, I think masturbation is only dangerous if you do it over and over, without reaching orgasm everytime. What else would be the point?

Mwah!