Here Comes Mama June

We have a T.V. like most people. We have a dvd player. We have an areal as well. We even have a T.V. License, which is more than what I can say for most of ya’ll. However, and here it gets tricky, the areal is not connected. As a matter of fact it is standing in the kitchen. We don’t watch T.V. at all. We watch Movies and Series, but normal T.V. just doesn’t happen in our house.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

The Cookie Monsters (Mel and Mirelle) have DSTV. They have now realized that I live myself into what ever I am watching. This means that the faces that I pull while watching something, is apparently extremely funny. And the more fucqed up the show is, the better are my reactions to it.

For a while now we watch all kinds of stuff. I love ‘Come Dine With Me’ and ‘Hells Kitchen’, well anything with Ramsey in it.  We watched Geordie Shore for a while, but damn those people are fucked up. And then they started talking about 'Banging Birds'. Bwhahahahahaha well Mel said that, that is when you have a pigeon in each hand and you hit them against each other. Bwhahahahahaha.

‘Long Island Medium’ we also watch and the Gypsy shows. But the one show that I really detest ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’, or something like that. I cannot stand how people can subject their small children to the bitchy world of modelling at age 2 or some shit. And these girls become Divas, with their make-up and curling irons and Goddess knows what else.

But branching off from this show is the series called ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’. Now I have to admit that I love watching this show. It is an entirely new level of fucqed up. I watch this show and I cannot stop laughing. Let me just clarify, I don’t visit there too watch the show. But if it is on when we visit there, then we watch it. Before I go further, I realize that these are people with feelings. And it is honestly not that I am trying to insult them but I simply have to explain how I feel about the show.

Mama June, my new Hero

The thing that I laugh about the most is the fact that these people are famous. Clearly, in today’s world you can become famous for any old shit. These people are famous and for what? For being rednecks. Bwhahahahahahahaha. That to me is the funniest. That they can go on international television, talk about the weirdest shit, and people like me cannot stop watching it. The question that begs to be asked is “Who is more fucqed up? The redneck on T.V. or the idiot who loves to watch the show?”

With this particular show, I really don’t like the main character. Honey Boo Boo annoys the shit out of me. A spoilt little brat that gets away with it. She needs a fucqing hiding.

I love Mamma June and Sugar Bear (Mama June I love the most). I only realized yesterday that they are not married. He is her boo. So when I heard she has a boyfriend, I thought she left him and has a new boo. Because I thought he was her husband. Clearly I thought wrong. Please understand that I love watching these people because of their fucqed up quirks. The shit they say and or do, you cannot make that shit up (Thank you Whoopi)

For example, Mama June said: "I haven't worn high heels since the forklift accident." Bwhahahahahahahahaha OMK Bwhahahahahahahaha! How does your mind not go ……….’say what’………….? Of course I am as curious as all hell about exactly what was the Forklift accident. Bwhahahahahahahaha. This is really funny shit.

Oh Oh, how is this. Sugar Bear said: Dancing is all about hand placement.” Bwhahahahahahahahaha. Oh Sweet baby Jesus that is funny. How can you not laugh at that?

"The soup has been cooking for awhile and smells like wet gym shorts."- Mama June, providing an enticing descriptive for her "cabbage soup," an unsuccessful attempt at "healthy" food.

Sugar Bear also said: "When June gets stressed, I let it roll off of me like oil off a duck."

I am on the fucqing floor laughing. Oil off a duck! Bwhahahahahahaha. The poor fucqing duck. Bwhahahahahahahahaha.

Of course I just could not stop laughing at their Family game. Let me explain how it went down.

In “Guess Whose Breath” one player must wear a blindfold while other people breathe upon that player's face. The blindfolded person must then guess who did the breathing, by the smell. According to Chubbs, she only brushes her teeth on "special occasions," so she should have been the easiest to identify. However, Chubbs actually won the game herself, by correctly guessing the breath of each family members. The game made Chickadee, the pregnant one, laugh so hard that she peed on the couch.

Mama June on the Wendy Williams Show

But an article about Mama June would not be complete without her famous Sketti Recipe. So here it is folks. Mama Junes FAMOUS Sketti Recipe! Eat your heart out Martha Stewart.

Ingredients

• 1 Pound spaghetti
• 3/4 Cup ketchup
• 3/4 Cup butter or margarine

Preparation

Step 1:

Boil spaghetti according to packaging directions, or about 20 mins. until it is soft.

Step 2:

Mix butter and ketchup in a bowl and microwave until mixture is melted together. Pour over pasta and serve hot.

Cooking tip:

To see if the "sketti" is done, do as Mama June does: Throw it up on the wall and see if it sticks.

Enjoy your Sketti Everyone

Mwah!

Homophobia V.S. Gay

Do you know what fascinates me? The mindset of the average homophobe. I am fascinated by them.

In my (admittedly short) gay lifespan, I have seen and heard things that one has to sit back and wonder about these ‘proud to be straight’ men. We all know them. We all have ‘friends’ like this. The guy who is always gay bashing and always trying to prove a point that he is completely anti gay. But lets for a moment take a look at this man and try to see who or what he is.

There is an Afrikaans teasing rhyme that homophobes use to make fun of gays. It goes as follows: “Holle teen die muur, Zeo is hier.” I am just using my name in this rhyme to demonstrate it to you (I am also, admittedly, used to this rhyme having my name in it). Translated it means something to the effect of “put your bums against the wall, Zeo is here”.  What this means is that this Homophobe is scared of something that he doesn’t even really understand. The educated will know that not all gay men are interested in fucqing you, some wants to be fucqed and some do both. Hence the terms, Top (fucqer), Bottom (fucqee) and Versatile (fuckeree, does both). So Homophobe, how will keeping your bum against a wall help you when faced with a Bottom? Yes, a gay that wants you shlong-a-long (thank you Ronel).

Also remember that these sexual roles is not determined by the character of the gay man. In our relationship, for example, I am definitely more feminine inclined than Paul, I even think like a woman. But sexually I am a Top. You will also find that in 80% of gay couples, where there is a big guy and a smaller guy, the big one (that you would think is the Top) is the Bottom. So again, how does this rhyme help you Homophobe?

My second issue with that is the fact that you automatically assume that we want to penetrate you. Is that not just a little too much of wishful thinking? Hmmmmmmmmm?

What I have also noticed through the years is that Homophobes tend to think that a gay man WILL want them. Just for because. No there are gay men that do go for straight men. Yes it is true. But this can be said about any sexual kink. Do you meet a blond woman and believe that she is the town bicycle that has slept with the entire Dallas? No you don’t, so why do you assume that any gay guy will want to have sex with you? Firstly I have seen some these homophobes that claim this and the fact that even a blind drunk woman with the knowledge of that this is her last day alive will sleep with them, boggles the mind. What makes you think a gay man will want anything to do with you. We have class, style, brains and a sense of hygiene. It’s not gonna go down so please stop assuming that you are Gods gift. Or is your assumption actually just wishful thinking? Hmmmmmmmm? Me thinks the Lady doth protest too much.

On the topic of comparing gay men to these brute homophobes………..This is almost too easy. Look at them, now back to us. Now look at them again, back to us.

Their shirts are never ironed. As a matter of fact their miss match outfit (and please I am not talking about the ones that has a wife to pick out or iron their clothes) looks like it has climbed out of the washing basket all on its own. Once you get used to the over powering smell of Brutt or Axe (even though a nice smelling man is very sexy, you can also stink of your spray) you will smell the Body Odour that casually mixes with the smell of their piss and cum stained clothing. Yes, of course it is ok for you to recycle your clothing. Especially when you picked up skank last night, at your local Smugglers pub, wearing that same outfit. Then of course the excellent verbal capability. “Wiff, dat, I are wearing a jean pant.” Do I need to even continue?

As a matter of fact the comparison itself can be a blog on its own, so lets not delve too deep into it. After all, I wouldn’t want to give you a complex.

Then of course there is that age old argument about you being a cooler man because you get to see the sexy chick naked………………I am that sexy chicks bff. And what that means is that I actually get to see her naked whenever we go shopping. Not that it does anything for me but I actually do get to see her naked. Not like you that only imagine it. I have even touched her breasts to help her look for lumps or to readjust the girls in the bra. And you know when you are feeling self conscious because you think we are laughing at you……..well we are.

And then of course finally, in 1996 a study was done to try and see what is up (pardon the pun) with Homophobes.

They investigated the role of homosexual arousal in exclusively heterosexual men who admitted negative affect toward homosexual individuals. Participants consisted of a group of homophobic men (n = 35) and a group of non-homophobic men (n = 29); they were assigned to groups on the basis of their scores on the Index of Homophobia (W. W. Hudson & W. A. Ricketts, 1980). The men were exposed to sexually explicit erotic stimuli consisting of heterosexual, male homosexual, and lesbian videotapes, and changes in penile circumference were monitored. They also completed an Aggression Questionnaire (A. H. Buss & M. Perry, 1992). Both groups exhibited increases in penile circumference to the heterosexual and female homosexual videos. Only the homophobic men showed an increase in penile erection to male homosexual stimuli. The groups did not differ in aggression. Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies.

You see, as gays we have to constantly hear how we are the vermin of the Earth. But if human categories were to be labelled like that, I wonder………....

My mom used to say: “We often hate in other people, that which we hate most in ourselves.”

Mwah!