Hate mail from Sam Smith who lives in JHB

last I checked he uses this veve as a pf pic

So I receive this message on the weekend from some really sad soul. I said in the beginning, when I started my blog that if I get hate mail I am simply going to post it here so we can all have our say about it. So here it is people, my first hate mail for this year. It was sent to me by a person by the name of Sam Smith. Below find the Facebook link to his Facebook page. You are all more than welcome to chat to this gentleman. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003058821986

His messages to me were as follows

1.

“Hi Zeo,
Let me introduce myself. You can call me Carnal Karma, and I am first and foremost son, servant and warrior to Mother Lilith. Yet my services sometime extend to other gods. Lately Kali has asked my help to rectify a few inbalances against her name. And Martin Frost aka Zeo was a name that caused a lot of irritation to Her. Apparantly this 'Zeo' has caused Her name great disgrace and stolen countless magickal property and ideas. Zeo is a prominent figure in LHP movement in SA but he is a fraud and dare I say 'false prophet' (although he has no real power and only misleads fools and social outcasts who have no real purpose). I hope for your sake I'm wrong but I get the idea you claim Kali as your gaurdian? If this is true you need to make a few serious decisions because you have been noticed. And the powers, especially Kali are not pleased. She is mercifull though and offers you the following: expose yourself as a fraud and return all you have stolen (you should know what these stolen things are because I'm unclear on what exactly you stole)

My human will give you the following advice, one human to another. Stop your deceit and live your life. The occult is not meant for your kind. Turning a place's name is no name for a group or any occult practices. Destroy anything in your possesion connected or depicting Kali. And on a lighter note only absolute pretentious douche bags wear New rocks! Hahahahaha, dude I thought you were gay and gay people should have fashion sense. I think you might need to reconsider your image but to each his own.

So I wish you the best friend! Even though I don't respect you in the least from what I heard everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe you can start a new hobby like knitting or scrapbooking to fill the void if you make the wise decision but we will see.

Regards from Kali, Lilith and accumulated karma”

What caught my eye here was that for someone that apparently knows so much about me he doesn’t even know my full names. 

I also cannot help but notice how he claims that I am a fraud and I only lead fools and social outcasts who have no real purpose. He is taking on a lot of people by that statement.Good luck to you for that statement....friend.

As for my “image” as he puts it, thankfully I have never cared what people think about how I look. Why would the opinion of one very sad individual matter to me now.

On the accusations of theft, I hope he can back this up in the court of Law.

As for speaking on behalf of a certain Deity('s). Please can someone phone Oprah. This man needs to go on there. If he is the voice of the Goddess on Earth then I daresay that we as Pagan folk have a Pope and so many terrible things can be rectified if we just allow this boy to speak his mind. All hail the Pope of Paganism. Pope Sam Smith.

2.

“Hey friend,

Sorry to bother again, but just had my sunday meditations (decided sunday will my serious study and workings,hahaha, seeing as the day was hijacked) Anyway on a serious note I during meditation pressure was put on me to get an answer from you. Sorry I thought you had more time but I'm dealing with some impatient energies. Hope to hear from you soon.”

Clearly the Pope does not need to worry about grammar.I just copied and pasted both his letters. Made spelling or grammar corrections.

So I have not responded to him and I don’t think I am going to. I see no point. I am not going to block him, as he should be able to get this link and read this blog. Also if he continues his empty threats and allegations, well then I would like to have record of it to take him court. I have no time for little boys who has nothing better to do than try to start witch wars based on lies that they thought up while masturbating.

So have fun all. Enjoy your day!

Mwah!

How do you like your eggs?

So many of friends and random people that I know are currently struggling with the concept of finding themselves. No hang not the concept of it, rather they are in the process of finding themselves.

To all of you, I know what you are going through. I went through it at age 25. I got divorced, discovered I was gay, my mom passed away and I lost my house and just about everything in it. I had built up debt to teh point of mountains just to survive. I was lost, like a fart in a perfume factory.

I asked a wonderful woman by the name of Lindie Tuck and her Fiance (then Boyfriend) to move into the house with me. The first Saturday morning Lindie knocks on my bedroom door. She says that she is making breakfast, how do I like my eggs? Without a single hesitation I said “(ex wife’s name) likes them sunny side up” Lindie looked at me and said “That’s nice” or it may have been more like “Well fuck what she likes, how do you like it?” I remember the blank stare I gave her. I had no idea how I liked my eggs. 

It is only then that I realized the number that my ex pulled on me. Just about everything that I liked or ate or did was a reflection of what and how she used to like, eat and do. I was angry at her then. My one friend and mentor told me that my life being in chaos was just perfect because from the chaos I could rebuild to order. I nearly told her to go fuck herself. But she was right.

Another mentor and friend also made me aware of the fact that my ex wife was my biggest teacher ever. She taught me what exactly I didn’t want from life in order for me to pursue that which I want. For a long time I lived off kak. I drank way too much. I destroyed my Temple area and pushed everyone away. I became a bit of a slut. 

It is now 5 years later. I am still not on top of my game. I still have a few issues due to my 6years and 2 months relationship. But I am working on it and I have made huge bounds and leaps and I hope that I will continue on this journey for a very long time as it is a very exciting journey. The Journey of self discovery is really fucking scary but I promise you it is the best one you will ever go on. It is difficult and very time consuming and you cannot lie to yourself cuz then you make it all the more painful and longer. But if I look back now to what all I have accomplished in these 5 years……wow!! I actually don’t know how I did it, but I am doing it. Of course you will have support from those that love you, as long as you don’t push them away.

What helped me tremendously was the realizing, truly realizing that I could die any minute and that nothing in this universe is for certain. Everything is what you make it and not to take anything for granted. Dealing with death taught me that. I have a house now filled with stuff, I have gained knowledge and by applying it I have now gained wisdom. Granted yes I also gained a few extra pounds but so what! I am more fabulous than ever. I am not telling you all of this to brag or be like “ooh look at me” but I am hoping it will give you hope. Maybe even inspire you. Be a light for you.

Mwah!!

P.S. Oh by the way. I like my eggs over easy!

Communicate!!

You know if I have said it once then I must have said it a thousand times. 

Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship. Well communication and compromisation. The two go hand in hand. *Sings in head* 'You can't have one without the other. Lova and marriage' *snaps back to reality* Sorry I just had to get that off of my chest first.

Hi, how are you today?

Me? Oh I am wonderful thank you. Had a few issues yesterday but it was all sorted out last night and now things are good again. What is new with you?

If you are wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, let me explain. I asked you how you are. You then answer and I carried on with the conversation. I can see you are confused. Probably thinking to yourself that I have now finally, completely lost all of my fucking marbles. However what I want you to do is, just to yourself, answer those two simple questions as truthfully as possible. You see the point to this little exercise here is to be truthful about how you are when asked. 

How many people greet you during the day? To how many of them do you say “I am well and you?” or “I am doing great and yourself?” or some such bullshit? Even on days when you hate yourself or days when everything seems to fall to shit.

Sometimes however, we are completely honest about how we are and the person to which you are explaining kind of just cuts you off  and says something like “That’s nice” and then carries on with whatever they wanted to say. Yes I know you know all of this so let me get to my point.

It saddens me to think that we as a species have become so empty and hollow that even in a simple question like “How are you” we (1) cannot answer it truthfully or (2) no one really cares in anyway how you are even when you give them an honest answer. 

How often have you been at a braai or party or whatever. Then someone walks in that you all know and your friend on your side tell you something like “please just don’t ask them how they are. You will never hear the end of it”. That to me is honestly the best approach. Not the saying of something like that behind someone’s back. I am a firm believer in ‘if you can say it behind someone’s back then have the balls to say it to their face’ . But I believe in the fact that if you really don’t care how someone is doing, then don’t fucking ask. And if how you are doing has nothing to do with them either, then if they should ask you first “How are you?”, just say “I am well thank you”. That way you are being polite and not opening a door by asking them the question in return.

But if you are gonna ask someone how they are doing then be prepared to listen to how it is really going with that person. And don’t then let your mind wonder or interrupt the person. You asked!! So you better fucking listen and be interested in that persons life. We live in an age where everyone is rushed and we don’t take time out for our fellow humans anymore, let alone our animals or plants (but that is a whole new blog), being sincere about how you or someone else is, is the least that you can do.

Mwah!!

Movie Power

I am busy reading a book called ‘Reel Fulfillment’ . Its about transforming your life through the ability to watch movies. I Love watching movies and that is why I decided to read this book.  It consists of lessons that you learn from watching or rather becoming part of the movie and then there are exercises that you have to complete as well. I have not done any of it, just reading the book at this point. I actually don’t have time to do the rest.

But all of this made me think again about a post that I made many years ago on DeviantArt. (For those unenlightened among us, this is a website where you have like a mini blog) In it I spoke about the one ring that rules them all. No I realize that now all the gay boys are getting excited. So let me explain first. Tolkien tells us about a ring that is so powerful that it can conquer all. That it can consume its owner. Take away all rational thought. I mean look at Golem.

He tell us that this ring cannot be destroyed unless it is in the heart of the mountain where it was created. This ring has the ability to change people and to bend people to its will. All of this has a very familiar sound to it. Sounds almost like that small four letter word called ‘Love”.  What if Tolkien was telling us about love? What if the books he wrote was about the effects of love on people or the effects that a love gone sour has on people. I am not saying that I am correct or that, that  is what  it was supposed to be. I am just giving my opinion and as Mel said to me last night “you are entitled to your opinion”.

What then are all of these movies that we watch really about? Do you think that the writer just sits down and starts writing a story or maybe he plots the psychology of the story first and then writes something to go with that theme. Do these creators really just write movies to make money or do they do it to really help the people that will be watching it? Do they plan for these movies to be therapeutic?

Why is it that we get so into it and so emotional when watching these movies? Because we are faced with issues that we ourselves face in our own lives but this time round you are a spectator. You don’t have to take responsibility for anything that happens and because the situation is so close to your own heart you can give sympathy, empathy, understanding and even tears to characters that are experiencing the same things that you are struggling with in your life. What ‘Reel Fulfillment’ does is to help you see that you are watching a movie about yourself really and the same way you are helping the character in the movie to deal with their issues, should you now help yourself. But there are specific movies that you have to watch based on different issues.

To me Lord of the Rings would most certainly have to do with the ability to deal and face a relationship that has turned into a relationshit.

Mwah!

Three's a ........... fun time?

Times are changing. Since the 24^th of February I have been going through what can only be described as a dark night of the soul. I am looking at things again and trying to figure out if what I am doing with this life is actually worth it. The only fact that I do have about life in general is this:

“This life, or any other one for that matter, does not come with an instruction manual.”

We just have to do the best with what we have and try to make it a life worth living. In this dark night of the soul, that I have been going through, I have been faced with so many things from my past that I need to deal with, make peace with. Now I have tried to fit in. Goddess knows I have done anything just to be ‘normal’. I am sure you recall the story of the Granny crossing herself when walking past me, even when I looked completely normal. We have had this discussion on normality before, and I am sorry guys, but I am still not the normal person.

Here is the only fact that know about my life

“It will never be normal and mundane and I will never do things the way as it ‘should’ be done”

Not because I blatantly defy mainstream, but just because I cannot be anything other but me and in order for me to be me, I will always stand out like a sore thumb. My point here is just to make you aware that my life is different and that it is not the same as yours and that you wont agree with all I do, but it stays my blog and my life. So if you don’t like it, then don’t read it.

On this note, Paul and I have decided to explore our sexuality in a couple setting. I know that this doesn’t make sense, so let me explain. Paul and I are both very young still, in the bigger scheme of things of course. Paul is my first official boyfriend. Yes I have had gay flings before him when my ex wife and I separated, but he is my first real gay relationship.

I am Paul’s first relationship. He has been with other men but I am his first relationship of any sort. He has never even kissed a woman let alone been in a relationship with one. So we are both pretty new to this and for those of you that think that a relationship is the same, straight or gay. Well let me tell you, I personally find that there is a huge, no wait, HUGE difference between the two.  The dynamic changes completely. But back to my point, we are both pretty new at this and even though we have both been with other guys our sexual experience list in the area of gay sex, is not that long. There are lots that we still want to experience. But how do you do this in a couple?

Well we have decided that the couple that plays together is the couple that stays together. So, ok this is the spot where my mother in law should stop reading hehehehehe, we have decided to look for someone that can be a friend to us and then maybe this can evolve to friends with benefits. Yes sexual benefits.

Yes I have had all the warnings from all of the friends that are really close to me, which is very little people, and its not that I want to undermine you all but firstly, this is our choice and we are doing what we feel is best. And if you think that our relationship can’t last something like this, then think again. We have already been through it three times. The first time the guy liked me more than Paul and felt it better to leave. The second time the guy liked me more than Paul and wanted to break us up, we kicked him goodbye. The third one was just making things difficult for Paul and myself as a unit, so we ended that as well. Its not that we give half measures when we give, we are just also aware of the fact that we are a unit.

Recently we met a guy. He is a nice guy and we really like him, like really like him. He is good looking and he actually likes both of us. The bonus is that when we asked him whom Florence Nightingale was he didn’t know. That’s not good, but even though he didn’t know he wanted to know and asked about her and read up. This means he is not brain dead lemming and we can actually have a conversation with him.

Nothing sexual has happened. And it is not that anyone is planning for it. Besides something that we didn’t plan on is happening already between the three of us. But maybe that should be left for a later entry. The reason I am mentioning this to you all is that you will probably read a different name here every now and again. And I know how people are.

“Oh My God he is cheating on Paul” Gossip gossip gossip. No one is cheating. We are all consenting adults.

So watch this space people, things are gonna get interesting, whether for better or worse, I don’t know? Obviously we don’t want it to be for the worse and we are trying everything in our power for it go for the better, but who knows what the future will hold?

Mwah!

Skoonheid

Last night we watched the movie called ‘Skoonheid’. It is the first South African film that professes to deal with homosexual issues. This film was also the first South African film ever to win a Cannes Award. So with much anticipation we sat down to watch Skoonheid. …………..

………………

I bought this movie brand new. Not at Cash Crusaders like I buy so many movies. I payed close to R200 at Look and Listen for this movie. Yes I completely regret it. It was an hour and a half of my life that I will never get back again. You expect to see a movie about a forbidden love that cannot be and that ends with duty and lots of tears.

Deon Lotz

Well the main character, Francois van Heerden (Played by Deon Lotz) is a typical Afrikaner male with two daughters a wife and his own wood business. What you find out about him is that he also goes to meetings. At these meetings, butch manly Afrikaner boerre men get together and drink beer. They say that at these meetings they don’t allow ‘moffies’ or ‘colourds’, oh and then they have sex with each other. But that I can still understand. I have so often heard of straight men that has gay sex from time to time, yet they are apparently not gay.

Francois then starts to get obsessed about a boy. Christian (played by Charlie Keegan) is a law student and the child of Francois’s oldest friend. But Christian lives in Cape Town and Francois in JHB. So Francois goes on a “business” trip to Cape Town. He of course lies to his wife without feeling ashamed because she herself is cheating on him, and he knows this.

Charlie Keegan

In Cape Town he makes sure that he gets invited to his friends house so that he may see Christian. And so Francois starts to stalk Christian. But one night Francois goes to the Bronx Bar (which used to be a gay club in town, sadly it closed down) where he gets trashed. He then phones Christian to come and help him to get to his hotel room. At the Hotel room Francois ends up raping Christian, rather violently actually.

The movie ends not to long after that when Francois is sitting alone in the Spur and orders a Coke and a Burger. For about 5 minutes they show how he stares at a gay couple sitting in the Spur and then the movie ends. 

Okay I have to admit that reading it here now it seems like a rather good movie. But it really wasn’t, not at all!!.

Oliver Hermanus

The dialog is just about non existent and not very deep. The acting, even though good is just somehow ……….. not good enough. The creator, Oliver Hermanus, clearly was also a big fan of Brokeback Mountain as this film also has these long pauses on just stuff that doesn’t really have anything to do with the movie, like landcapes. The problem with this is that it worked in Brokeback Mountain. But now it’s been done and you just look like you are trying to re-create a brilliant story of Love. But if you are looking for Love in this film then you have the wrong film. This film is about oppression and forcing others to like you. It’s about obsession and lust wrapped with guilt. Not even in his marriage is there an ounce of Love.

My fear about this movie is that it is not going to paint a positive image for the gay community. I can just see a kerk tannie go “See, I told you! They are all a bunch of perverts and rapists”, and according to the imagery that this movie creates, she will be 100% correct. But don’t take my word for it, rent it and watch it for yourself. Maybe I just don’t have the mental capacity to get it. Maybe I was expecting too much, to see a story of two men, who due to circumstances, cannot Love each other.  But maybe that is just because I am a hopeless romantic!

The Makings of a Teacher

By the year of 1998 I had devoured all I could find about Paganism. The Country was a different place back then. Everyone seemed to always be angry. We had just come out of the time period of Apartheid. We were moving forward yet somehow no one was happy about this. Everyone feared everyone else and everywhere you went certain people were associated with certain wrongs. Whites, Black and Colourds, no one was safe from each other. Well at least in the minds of the people this was very true.

Prior to 1994 you could not find a book on Paganism in any bookshop. That’s only 18 years ago. That’s how young this country really is. We knew we were different. We didn’t go to church, we didn’t believe in the one true God. We loved the moon and knew that we had past lives and that the two of us were connected in at least two previous lifetimes. And so we believed in many other things that Pagans believe in. But we didn’t know what to call it or that we should even call it something.

It is roughly in this time of serious oppression, oppression against race and sex and sexuality, oppression of religion, freedom as whole and even our thoughts, that a friend of my mother brought a Pagan book from over seas.

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner – Scott Cunnigham

We obviously could not buy the book and so we copied it. Two copies. One for each of us. We devoured the book. Read it over and over. Also we did not have internet access at home and research was limited. Not to long after that mother got her hands on another book. Goddess knows where she got it.

The Complete Book of Witchcraft – Raymond Buckland.

Not too long after that a shop was discovered in city centre. The shops was Wizards. They still exist today but they have moved from Pickbell Parkade to Stadium on Main in Claremont. They had Pagan books. Hellishly expensive for us, since we were never wealthy people who had money to just throw around. But slowly but surely we built up a few books.

So then a few years after that in 1998 in mid April I was sitting on my bed and teaching to people about Paganism/Wicca. I had no idea if what I was doing was correct or that I was even good at it, all I knew is that I knew that this is what I truly wanted to do. This felt right and somehow it felt familiar. None of that has changed. I still don’t think that I am a particularly wonderful teacher. But I love doing it! The course back then was about 24 pages long. Now just module 3 of First Degree is 42 pages. It’s 14 years later. Next year it will be 15 years. At the end of this year I am turning 30. So next year this time I have quite literally given half of my life in service to my Goddess, my God and my Community. Sometimes it feels like less and then sometimes it feels like so much more. But I don’t regret it. Not a single day of it. I look at photo’s of the students and myself, they look truly happy and as cliché as what this may sound, that makes me happy. 

Mwah!!!