Times are changing. Since the 24th of February I have been going through what can only be described as a dark night of the soul. I am looking at things again and trying to figure out if what I am doing with this life is actually worth it. The only fact that I do have about life in general is this:
“This life, or any other one for that matter, does not come with an instruction manual.”
We just have to do the best with what we have and try to make it a life worth living. In this dark night of the soul, that I have been going through, I have been faced with so many things from my past that I need to deal with, make peace with. Now I have tried to fit in. Goddess knows I have done anything just to be ‘normal’. I am sure you recall the story of the Granny crossing herself when walking past me, even when I looked completely normal. We have had this discussion on normality before, and I am sorry guys, but I am still not the normal person.
Here is the only fact that know about my life
“It will never be normal and mundane and I will never do things the way as it ‘should’ be done”
Not because I blatantly defy mainstream, but just because I cannot be anything other but me and in order for me to be me, I will always stand out like a sore thumb. My point here is just to make you aware that my life is different and that it is not the same as yours and that you wont agree with all I do, but it stays my blog and my life. So if you don’t like it, then don’t read it.
On this note, Paul and I have decided to explore our sexuality in a couple setting. I know that this doesn’t make sense, so let me explain. Paul and I are both very young still, in the bigger scheme of things of course. Paul is my first official boyfriend. Yes I have had gay flings before him when my ex wife and I separated, but he is my first real gay relationship.
I am Paul’s first relationship. He has been with other men but I am his first relationship of any sort. He has never even kissed a woman let alone been in a relationship with one. So we are both pretty new to this and for those of you that think that a relationship is the same, straight or gay. Well let me tell you, I personally find that there is a huge, no wait, HUGE difference between the two. The dynamic changes completely. But back to my point, we are both pretty new at this and even though we have both been with other guys our sexual experience list in the area of gay sex, is not that long. There are lots that we still want to experience. But how do you do this in a couple?
Well we have decided that the couple that plays together is the couple that stays together. So, ok this is the spot where my mother in law should stop reading hehehehehe, we have decided to look for someone that can be a friend to us and then maybe this can evolve to friends with benefits. Yes sexual benefits.
Yes I have had all the warnings from all of the friends that are really close to me, which is very little people, and its not that I want to undermine you all but firstly, this is our choice and we are doing what we feel is best. And if you think that our relationship can’t last something like this, then think again. We have already been through it three times. The first time the guy liked me more than Paul and felt it better to leave. The second time the guy liked me more than Paul and wanted to break us up, we kicked him goodbye. The third one was just making things difficult for Paul and myself as a unit, so we ended that as well. Its not that we give half measures when we give, we are just also aware of the fact that we are a unit.
Recently we met a guy. He is a nice guy and we really like him, like really like him. He is good looking and he actually likes both of us. The bonus is that when we asked him whom Florence Nightingale was he didn’t know. That’s not good, but even though he didn’t know he wanted to know and asked about her and read up. This means he is not brain dead lemming and we can actually have a conversation with him.
Nothing sexual has happened. And it is not that anyone is planning for it. Besides something that we didn’t plan on is happening already between the three of us. But maybe that should be left for a later entry. The reason I am mentioning this to you all is that you will probably read a different name here every now and again. And I know how people are.
“Oh My God he is cheating on Paul” Gossip gossip gossip. No one is cheating. We are all consenting adults.
So watch this space people, things are gonna get interesting, whether for better or worse, I don’t know? Obviously we don’t want it to be for the worse and we are trying everything in our power for it go for the better, but who knows what the future will hold?
Mwah!
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