Now I am sure we have all heard it and read it and seen the
movies about it. But hou serious is this threat really? What would be the do’s
and don’ts regarding a Zombie Apocalypse?
Firstly I believe that maybe we should not take it so
literally. I think that every age created Zombies. It’s very easy if you think
about it. All you have to do is to create a need for people. But it has to be a
strong need, like Coca-Cola. There are millions and millions of Coca-Cola
zombies in the world. The moment the need is there and they feel that they
cannot live without it, WHAM!! You got the fucqers Zombified!
In our day and age the Zombie transition key, lies not in
being bitten by some rotting corpse from a grave, but by that one social media
network group. Be it Facebook or Mxit or 2go, what ever it is, as long as you
can use it from you phone. Now I realize that everyone is, or rather most
people, is guilty of using their phones. I am not talking about that. I am
talking about those people that cannot live without their phone. They sit next
to each other on a couch and instead of talking, they text each other. I know
it’s fucqing ridiculous but it happens and I have seen it happen with my own
eyes. Especially with the fucqing
kids of today. Its like they have lost all peoples skills.
{Ok lets just take a moment to explain the spelling of the
word fucq. As you all know the word fuck means, Fornicating Under Consent of
the King. My Coffee mug at home says” Queen of fucking everything” Due to this
a lot of people are calling me Queen or Majesty or Your Grace, names like that.
So one of my friends suggested the spelling of the word fucq, meaning
Fornicating Under Consent of the Queen.
Ok back to our story.}
I recently also heard that there is a game out by that name,
Zombie Apocalypse. Now I don’t know if the hype has been created by the game or
the game has been created because of the hype, but just about everywhere I go
people are talking about the possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse. Here is what I
do know. I personally feel that the Zombie Apocalypse is about as likely to
happen as the Rapture. Maybe the two are actually the same thing. It would make
sense considering the whole Zombie Jesus thing, which the Bible clearly states.
Jesus stood up from the dead and now the Churches are eating people’s brains in
his name.
Be that as it may, I have watched a lot of Zombie movies and
I have seen how people play games with Zombies in them and so I have picked up
a few things. So here are just a
few things to look out for, should this bullshit ever happen.
1.
They can carry on going even if you rip off
their limbs. As you can imagine this could slow you down a bit. We are
constantly wishing for more arms, imagine we had less.
2.
Conversation is going to be out. Your vocabulary
will stretch as far as words like uuuuuuugggghhhhhhhhh, mmmmmmmmmmmmm,
grrrrrrrrrrr oh and braaaiiiinnssss.
3.
Your intelligence, if you had any to begin with,
is also going to be shot to shit. Luckily this is not a problem for a few
people I know. As a matter of fact it might just be an improvement for some.
4.
Lastly, you look progressively worse every day. So make
sure that on the day of the Apocalypse/Rapture you look your best, so even if
you do go backward it wont be too bad. Again, for some of you this can only be
an improvement.
I have also realized that there is a fucq load of cemeteries
close to us. And one of the biggest ones in Cape Town is just up the road from
us.
Which doesn’t give one to much time to flee or to many places
to flee to.
However if you lived in the country on a property in the
middel of nowhere and the Apocalypse/Rapture does happen and they have to bomb
the entire city to get rid of the fucqing zombies, you will 1, never have been
bitten because they cant get to you due to point 1. And 2, when the city is
blown to shits you wont have to worry about starting your life over.
That is the first benefit of living in the country. Stay
tuned for more benefits of living in the country
Mwah!
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