Over induldging

When I was in primary school we didn’t mix with the English kids. They were seen as rich snobs and mean. They were mean, but in hindsight, they weren’t rich snobs. We just for some reason decided that all of them were like that. When I was in Standard 5, in today’s terms that is Grade 7, we had Sex Education every Friday, in the assembly hall. All the Grade 7’s as one class. English and Afrikaans mixed.

In one of the lessons they were discussing the anatomy and then masturbation. We were split into two groups, the boys and the girls and we had to answer a series of questions with the help of the teacher of course. For the life of me I cannot remember these questions. There is only one that has always stuck in my head. “When is masturbation dangerous?”

Well we got together again as one group and were now going to discuss our answers to these very bizarre questions. We got to that one faithful question. One of the English girls (clearly a teachers pet) nearly dislocated her shoulder to raise her hand to answer this question. She proudly stood up and said:

“When you do it with sharp objects”

Now I saw my first Porno when I was about in Grade 5. I knew all about the birds and the bees, hell I knew all the pigeons and frogs and dragonflies as well. In that moment in time I could however not stop myself from laughing. And once the laughing started, I could not make it stop. They then asked her for example. Oh Jesus that was the wrong thing to do.

“Knives, broken bottle necks, un sanded wood,”  and I don’t know what all she mentioned. I was on the fucqing floor! I also knew in that moment that this chick was gonna grow up to be either a porn star or a dominatrix, maybe even both. I to this day, because I can’t remember her name, do not know what she grew up to be. Either way her lover is either very happy or scared shitless.

But to be honest in all the years, that is the only thing about sex-ed that stuck with me and it has made me think about lots of things. My mom used to say that something is bad when it has a –te- attached to it. This only makes sense in Afrikaans. Te-veel, te-swaar, te-lelik, te-lekker and so on. But then when put into context of masturbation, with which –te- does it become bad? Does the –te- even play a role here? Someone said when the skin becomes raw. Really? When you masturbate so much that your skin becomes raw, you need to stop for a while before your hand makes a case of rape against you and use some damn lube!

Is there such a thing as over indulging and then by who’s standards are these things measured. I am not just talking about masturbation or sex, I mean in general. As a child you get conditioned about how much of what you are allowed. As you get older you obviously experiment more and more and more until you kinda know your limits. But we all have different limits and that is what makes this such a difficult thing to say. You know how there is always one person at a party who has had "more than enough to drink". (usually this is either myself or Debbie). But who decided that? To you more than enough might be one glass, to Arcagh it might be when he starts speaking in tongues and me it might be when I pass out. But we have a different limit that we wish to reach, for which ever reason. Ok obviously if you are going to endanger other people by fucqing them with a broken bottle neck, that is too much, but if you are only gonna use that broken bottle neck on yourself and you are willing to live with your bleeding bits, then who the fucq am I to judge you.

I explained it to my sister once as the following:

We all are born with this box. The box is labeled 'Life'. Inside, the box is filled with hundreds, if not thousands of those Styrofoam balls. Then one day, this box breaks open at the bottom (this is when we start to think for ourselves and start to do things for ourselves and no longer rely on Mummy and or Daddy) and the Styrofoam balls roll fucqing everywhere. We try to catch it all and put things back together but we don’t all do it the same way, we just do it to the best of our ability. And sometimes what seems right and or normal to me might be completely fucqed up to someone else, but we still have no right to judge.

To conclude, I think masturbation is only dangerous if you do it over and over, without reaching orgasm everytime. What else would be the point?

Mwah!