Pink Speedo

My Brother Neil!

I dedicate this blog to my Brother Neil.I am sorry Neil, your pink Speedo forced my hand to write this!

“Speedo® originated in 1914 under the brand name 'Fortitude', which was taken from the motto on the clan MacRae crest. It didn't become known by its now famous brand name until 1928.

The company was started by a young Scot called Alexander MacRae, who migrated to Australia in 1910, and set up an underwear manufacture business called MacRae Hosiery manufacturers.

In response to the growing beach culture in Australia, MacRae quickly expanded his operations to include swimwear and changed the company name to MacRae Knitting Mills.”

When it comes to underwear, you can wear pretty much whatever your partner likes.  Let’s face it, YOU might be the one wearing it, but your partner is the one you are trying to get all hot bothered with your sexy undies. So it doesn’t really matter what it looks like as the world doesn’t see it, and believe me in some cases this is a huge, or rather, small blessing. Depending on whom we are talking about.

But in 1929, Speedo begun full swing operation in manufacturing a figure hugging swimsuit that looks like old fashion undies. The popular brand name became synonymous with that particular product and today if you talk about a Speedo, everyone knows what you mean.

I am a reasonable man. I can understand most fashion trends and even created a few. I wear clothing that most people would not be seen in dead. As a matter of fact, just yesterday my sister in law called me ‘The Male Gaga’. That is such an awesome compliment and that is really how she intended it. My point is that most clothing disasters I can kind of understand. But the Speedo?......Really? Let me paint a picture.

Firstly, most men about 90% of them, over the age of 40, should not take their shirts off in public. I am sure we can all understand that. Hey I am not dissing, thinking that I can. Oh hell no, there is no way I will take my shirt off either. I was after all the body double for Jabba the Hut! Ok so at a certain age gravity becomes really cruel and the body kind of looses it’s previously perfect shape. What was on your chest is closer to your navel and what was between your legs you know have keep away from under your feet when you walk. The added tummy and wrinkles and now graying hair that peels out everywhere also doesn’t help.

However, in the younger generation let me point something out to firstly all the straight boys and then all the straight and gay boys that wear these Australian made disasters.

For the straight boys, the homophobes who prance around in these Speedo’s, what is it that you think we gay boys see and think when you prance around like that. For that matter the women do the same. Remember we are sitting with the women, checking out the boys. You better have a very good lunchbox (this is gay language for package, penis, cock, crown jewels) to be able to pull that off. And please don’t think you have a good lunchbox when you don’t. Ask a friend that is female or a gay. Not your partner cuz they are obligated to lie to you.

Lets say for arguments sake that you do have a good to look at lunchbox. You have to keep the following in mind then. One, you are going to get the gay boys looking at you and lusting. Cuz even the gay boys that are tops (this means they are the giving person in sex) like to suck a good cock.  So you will be stared at. Secondly you have to keep in mind that unless you are at a hot water spring or a heated pool, that speedo is not going to sit so nice and tight when you get out of the water. There is gonna be lots more room in it and you must be prepared for that ridicule. That is the kind of ridicule men get that has a little itty bitty lunchbox. If you are unsure of your endowments, the average male penis is between 5 and 7 inches, that is roughly between 12.5 and 17.5 centimeters. Erect of course.

The second fashion fucqup that I am not too sure about is straight men wearing pink. Or gay men wearing pink shirts that have a quote on it like 100% man. Firstly that quote should not be on a fucqing pink shirt. Secondly, the gay I saw wearing it was really camp (gay word for over the top moffie). A pink shirt will make you look gay. There is nothing you can do about it! It was designed that way. I see someone wearing a pink shirt and I mutter to Paul “Sjoe Meisie”. Even gays make fun of gays wearing pink shirts.

All of this I can still kind of, under the right conditions, stomach. Like Paul has a pink shirt. He is actually wearing it today. But he looks really sexy in that shirt his blue jeans that frames his ass perfectly, his green cross flip flops and his Ray-Ban police sun glasses. Sjoe, then the blood leaves the brain alone.

But back to my point. I have recently seen that they have now joined these two disasters. And the modern man is wearing Pink Speedos…………………………….I actually had no words…………………………

How is that not Gay?

I am Camp. That is too Camp for me. That screams “Hi, I am a Twinkie (gay term for young thin boy that mostly takes it) slut and would like to meet you in the bathroom where you can fucq me till I bleed.”

I am just saying, someone should have thought this through. There is a show on T.V. called “Queer eye for the straight guy”. Yea that is because if there is one thing that gay men know, it is cock, ass, money, shopping, accessories, good cuisine, interior designing, landscaping, hair, oh, and clothes. Don’t be afraid to ask your gay buddy or brother to rather go with you to buy your swim wear. We love shopping and making people look good. Ask Hobbit!

Have a fabulous Long weekend South Africa. The rest of the world, jammer om van julle kak te hoor!

Mwah!!