Wedding Jitters

I have been extremely quiet lately. Wedding jitters…..I think. So I decided that I would tell you about my wedding jitters. Maybe it will somehow help me to cope with it all.

13 July 2013

Well firstly you have to understand that this is the second time I am doing this. My mother (Goddess rest her soul) was married 5 times. I am 30 and going on number two. So yes just a little freaked out about that. Paul’s parents are so wonderful together and they are first time wedders. ( I just made that phrase up. It means to still be married in your first and only marriage, that is happy.) Oh look at me rewriting the Dictionary.

How many people can say that they are still first time wedders? But taking it further, I am Paul’s first relationship. Not his first sex (skank has had a few shags before me and I constantly reminding him that any bitch before me was a mistake) but his first relationship……ever.  Now how many people do you know that is still first wedders with their first time partner….yea suddenly it seems all a bit unreal doesn’t it.

But like any little girl (who the fucq am I kidding), I have been planning my BIG day for a long time. You know all of that is actually a lie, but I have been imagining what it would be like to plan a wedding where I actually have a say in what is happening. Pretty unreal I know. And what is great is that Paul is letting me run with the ideas. Yes I run everything past him first and if doesn’t like it then we don’t do it. Even the designs on the invites. But I feel like I am planning the fairytale wedding and he is just cool with it, His same calm self. 

“When a prince meets another prince and they fall in love they have the ability to live happily ever after. First they gotta see who is the top and who is the bottom and if there is a versatile in one of them. It helps if they both have nice asses and crotches. Eye candy is always good. Of course there is also.....you know what let me just say that gay relationships are fucqing difficult.”

Side tracking way too much!Hmmmm nice crotch......

Most of the things are done. It is just all the small things now that we are trying to sort out and then putting all of those small things together to make our magickal day work. Oh and the be damned cash bar! I am at wits end between them and Govermunt. Jirre.

So far, everyone but Mirelle (and what does she know with her hillbilly pallet), loves the invites. We worked very hard on them and it seems that everyone liked them. Yes I know that it is not about the people and that it is only about Paul and myself coming together, but you don’t want anyone to look at the invites and be as judgemental as what I know I can be. “Oh my god, this looks cheap and home made. Could they not at least just have cut straight. This is tacky.”

Yes those are things that I would say. Yes I am judgemental and superficial and sometimes plastic. One of my gay friends told me that it is a fags prerogative to be like that. I have embraced it. The first rule of magick is “Know Thyself”  :)

I will admit and have to give it to him. Paul, as I have stated may times before, is King of Procrastination. No one can procrastinate like he can. Well apparently his dad can and that is where Paul gets it from, but that is gossip between me and my Bethal Mommy.

But while planning the Wedding he has been on the ball. He really has amazed me and shown me that he can do things quickly. Yes this might come to bite him in the ass later on, but we will deal with that later, when it happens, hehehehehehe.

Right now our main concern is getting someone to make the cake for us at a price that we can afford. Getting enough carpets and pillows and finalizing the Table Décor. Of course we still have to find the perfect ribbon to use to tie our hands with as well. It has to be perfect and not just any old piece of shit.  But that is pretty much all in my area of influence. Paul’s biggest task is to sort the bar people out and then we need to write the ritual and get a rehearsal in before the time as well. Did I mention we have two months and 10 days before the BIG DAY?!

Oh I almost forgot. So far we are getting married wearing only a jacket and shoes. The rest of our outfits also still has to be done. Is it any wonder as to why I am freaking out just a little bit here?

Again, I know that the day is not about everyone else. I know it is only about us and that we should enjoy this planning process. Yes even though I agree with all of that, I still want this day to be just about as close to perfect as what it can possibly be. It is going to be THE event of the year.

I am trying to think of my vows and what it is that I will say to Paul in ritual. I cannot think of one solid explanation that could ever encompass just how much, how deeply and how truly I love him. He is my entire world and without him I don’t want anything anymore. Nothing is worth it, if I cant share it with him…..Oooohhh that was good, let me remember that for when I do write my vows.

makes a mental note

Not that mental notes help, considering how mental I am. Yes by mental I do mean completely and utterly fucqed in the head. But I have to tell you that being psycho does have it’s advantages and can be a lot of fun.

Well I am gonna try to write more and not let the Wedding give me jitters anymore. Till we chat again.

Mwah!