The clothing that we wear tells the world so much about the
kind of people that we are. Now I know I am probably not one to talk since I
know very well that I dress like I am part of some sort of experiment and
people struggle to tell whether or not I am a boy or a girl. You see to me,
clothes are clothes. I don’t listen to signboards that tell you what are the
mens and womens sections in a shop. As long as I am comfortable in an item of
clothing, I look ok and it fits, I will buy it. But there was the key word.
FITS. This is the most important word that you have to take into consideration.
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| Tier-vel-leeu-tert |
Look of all people I understand it. I used to be skinny and
5 years later I want to wear that jean again cuz 5 years ago I looked awesome
in it. Now you put your legs in and realize that it doesn’t come up higher than
your knees. So you rub some cream on your legs. I mean it makes sense right……..?
So this time round you get up to your thighs but you slip and knock yourself in the face
which sets you back an half hour because now you first need to stop the nose
bleed. However you cannot walk fast cuz the denim is stuck on your thighs and
the only you can walk is to imitate a penguin. You eventually stop the blood
and your hands are dry again. By
taking deep breaths in you, 15 minutes later, have the denim over your ass and
in place, well almost but hell who the fuck is gonna notice in any way. You try
to pull up the fly but nothing happens. Of course it cannot be your weight, it
has to be stuck. So with legs that are stiff and looks like a stuffed condoms you
try to contort yourself to look down to see if the fly is stuck as you try to
yank it up. On the yank you break a nail that tears in and you get your long
hair stuck, but reflex tells you to just stand up because you cannot feel your legs
anymore. This of course leave you with a sore throat (from the painful scream)
blood from a ripped and torn in nail, a bald patch and hair hanging down your
fly. But its still not up. Then you remember the advert that showed people lying
on bed and hooking a wire hanger into the fly to pull up. So now that you cant
use your forefinger you pull the fly down using thumb and middle finger. You
get it down and pull the hair out. Walk like a robot to the closet to get a
hanger. Position yourself in front of the bed, back to it and just fall
backwards since your legs cant really bend in this damn denim that you are
slowly starting to hate. You hook the hanger in and give one rough pull. The
hanger breaks and cuts your hand, you knock yourself in the eye but fuck it
that’s why we have make-up. You feel as if you have been vacuum sealed but you
the fly is up. You have to now roll off the bed to fall on the floor and from
there use your dresser to help you stand up. Your Stomach is hanging over the
denim in the front. Your ass is peeling up your back and crawling out by your
ankles. Your Cameltoe (Girls) or Mooseknuckle (Boys) is killing you and it
feels like it is being pressed into your stomach. You can’t sit and walking is next to impossible. But
you think that you still look kind of ok, but then decide that you are going to wear
a top that covers all of this in anyway because there is no way in hell that you can
get this denim off again!
The lesson in all of this is….Just because the fly goes up
and the button closes, does not mean that it fits. It just means that by the
grace of some or other God you managed to get it on your big ass. I am not
saying I don’t have a big ass. I have a huge ass. But I don’t wear clothes than
gives me tits on my back. 
What I cannot understand though is that some people then
will wear that denim with a crop top that is even tighter and they have no
issue. The top is so tight that your boobs are now one big tit that goes right
around your body and the extra bits that couldn’t fit there moved up to your
neck to swallow that. And then then they slap on some makeup and think they
look fucking stunning.
And don’t tell me it doesn’t happen. Go look at the
people of Wallmart. Look at them and tell me that they are normal and have a
sense of clothes. I am not saying that if you are bigger you should stick to
wearing kak ugly clothes that resemble the Boswell Wilky Circus tent. As a
matter of fact you get some really nice clothes for big people now. I know, cuz
I also have to buy em. But my clothes fit!
I sometimes look at these people and wonder if they don’t
have mirrors in their homes or maybe they have those circus mirrors that makes
people look stunning.
I mean what goes through your mind when you stand in front of the
mirror and you are wearing this tight, so tight it looks painted on, gold lycra
number and you wink to yourself and say “Yea you still got it baby” What the
Fuck is wrong with you if that is your thought process when you clearly should
be buying clothes at Campers Paradise. Please understand, I am not knocking big
people. I am also big. I am however knocking people that has no sense of
dressing. Yes you get skinny ones of those as well but they should just be
shot. Save us all the agony to have people that have bodies that we desire and
then the fuckers cant even dress properly. Just kill them and get it over with.
I also see a few people are doing the mullet thing again. IT
WAS NEVER IN STYLE PEOPLE!!!!!! Having a mullet means you are a fucking
redneck.
I am not telling you all how you have to dress up, all I am
asking you is that if your mirror is malfunctioning get a second opinion.
Please for love of the Goddess get a second opinion!!
Mwah!!
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