How do you like your eggs?

So many of friends and random people that I know are currently struggling with the concept of finding themselves. No hang not the concept of it, rather they are in the process of finding themselves.

To all of you, I know what you are going through. I went through it at age 25. I got divorced, discovered I was gay, my mom passed away and I lost my house and just about everything in it. I had built up debt to teh point of mountains just to survive. I was lost, like a fart in a perfume factory.

I asked a wonderful woman by the name of Lindie Tuck and her Fiance (then Boyfriend) to move into the house with me. The first Saturday morning Lindie knocks on my bedroom door. She says that she is making breakfast, how do I like my eggs? Without a single hesitation I said “(ex wife’s name) likes them sunny side up” Lindie looked at me and said “That’s nice” or it may have been more like “Well fuck what she likes, how do you like it?” I remember the blank stare I gave her. I had no idea how I liked my eggs. 

It is only then that I realized the number that my ex pulled on me. Just about everything that I liked or ate or did was a reflection of what and how she used to like, eat and do. I was angry at her then. My one friend and mentor told me that my life being in chaos was just perfect because from the chaos I could rebuild to order. I nearly told her to go fuck herself. But she was right.

Another mentor and friend also made me aware of the fact that my ex wife was my biggest teacher ever. She taught me what exactly I didn’t want from life in order for me to pursue that which I want. For a long time I lived off kak. I drank way too much. I destroyed my Temple area and pushed everyone away. I became a bit of a slut. 

It is now 5 years later. I am still not on top of my game. I still have a few issues due to my 6years and 2 months relationship. But I am working on it and I have made huge bounds and leaps and I hope that I will continue on this journey for a very long time as it is a very exciting journey. The Journey of self discovery is really fucking scary but I promise you it is the best one you will ever go on. It is difficult and very time consuming and you cannot lie to yourself cuz then you make it all the more painful and longer. But if I look back now to what all I have accomplished in these 5 years……wow!! I actually don’t know how I did it, but I am doing it. Of course you will have support from those that love you, as long as you don’t push them away.

What helped me tremendously was the realizing, truly realizing that I could die any minute and that nothing in this universe is for certain. Everything is what you make it and not to take anything for granted. Dealing with death taught me that. I have a house now filled with stuff, I have gained knowledge and by applying it I have now gained wisdom. Granted yes I also gained a few extra pounds but so what! I am more fabulous than ever. I am not telling you all of this to brag or be like “ooh look at me” but I am hoping it will give you hope. Maybe even inspire you. Be a light for you.

Mwah!!

P.S. Oh by the way. I like my eggs over easy!