To Truly Stand Out

Last night my oldest sister phoned me. She asked me if I had seen all the comments on the Robinson Regstreeks show regarding my appearance on it on Sunday past. For those of you that are a beat behind shit, I was interviewed by Freek Robinson on his show as a ‘Kenner’ in the field of  Near Death Experiences.

Apparently there is some concern for me from the regular viewers, saying things like:

“Ek sou net graag n beter kenner op hierdie veld wou gehad het. Iemand wie se ik ons nie aan betwyfel deur om na die kolletjie op sy kop en armbande te kyk nie. Ekt regtig baie meer verwag van hierdie episode.”

“Freek het jy iets teen die sg 'Afrikaners se geloof"? Is dit die enigste 'kenner' wat jul kon inkry of raadpleeg in die program?:-) Wat beoog julle met hierdie uitsending? Ek sal voorstel wees maar versigtig met hierdie tipe goed hoe om daarmee om te gaan en in wysheid en navorsing.. John 5:24 "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and beleives him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."

“En dan die kenner, hoe kan hy s dat watter gode jy ookal aanbid, jou "destination" gaan dieselfde wees?”

And this was just on the Facebook page. From there I followed the link to the website.

“Dit is so jammer dat jou 3 gaste nie weet wie Jesus is nie.Ons bid vir hulle en hoop satan kry nie weer n geleentheid op jou program nie.”

“Ek is ook onseker oor die grysgebied maar die wat dt regtig beleef hul moet weet waarvan hul praat as hul bereid is om dt aan die werld te verkondig.”

I was very upset when she told me this and to be honest I didn’t know if I should do anything or not. Here I am trying to help and then this is what people say. And then I had to think about it and be honest with myself. I had to sit down and say “Zeo, you knew this was going to happen. You stand out in a crowd. People generally duck and get away from you. You were told that the audience of this show is predominantly staunch and stiff upper lipped.” And then I had to think about it some more and realized that this is not the first time someone wants to pray for me. The first time that I vividly recall is walking with our Domestic, Anne. We were on our way to Sanlam Centre and I must have been 10 years old or so. I recall I was wearing a silver ring with a skull on it, that my Mom bought me. It was a little big for me but I wanted it and so I had a small piece of cardboard wedged between my finger and the ring to keep it from falling off. As we were crossing Tygerberg train station on the way back, this man came from out of nowhere and grabbed my hand. Anne was going on like only Anne could, keeping in mind Anne was only sober for one day in a month, when she visited her mom.

This man went on about how I had to throw away this hold that the devil has over me. That it is not right for a young child to wear such rings and that I must repent my sins and he will pray for me. I didn’t give him my ring. To this day, you will have to kill me to separate me from my jewellery.  I only looked at him and then thanked him for wanting to pray for me. If he did, I still don’t know. In that moment in time I was not myself. I felt so much …older and wiser and how I handled it is just not how a 10 year old would. Maybe there is truth in the fact that my mom used to call me an old soul. Who knows, and really, who cares?

My Beautiful Sister.

Many years later I was working for the Casino and as such was not allowed to have long hair or piercings. I was travelling back from work one day in a blue jeans, grey T-shirt, normal sneakers, no jewellery and a boys cut hairstyle. I looked perfectly ……….. normal. As I got off the train on Cape Town station and walked over the platform to go to the escalators that will take you underneath Adderley Street and then up again into St Georges Mall, an old lady walked past me. Well, Ten steps in front of me she froze in her tracks. She gave me a scornful look, crossed herself and made a turn in the other direction while mumbling something about witchcraft. I really looked completely normal and she crossed herself. That same day while wearing the same get up, I was greeted in the road by a woman that I have never met before and she greeted me by saying “Merry Meet” (A traditional Wiccan greeting). This was way before Facebook.

My Stunning Handmaiden

I was not made to fit in. I was not made to be another face that can just blend in and not be noticed. I have tried but it seems that this time round it is not part of my life. Two people though have made all this worth while for me. Two people that are showing me that these opinions are only the opinions of small minded people that cannot get out of their stupid boxes.Two people that are making say that I wil go on Freek's show again, even at the cost of these personal attacks.

My sister Claudette is actively telling these people off in a very diplomatic and polite manner.Making sure they know where they stand.

My Handmaiden Augustha is constantly telling me that I am making a difference and that I must not give up due to the opinions a few small minded people.

Thank you to both of you. I love you very much.

Even when when I look completely normal I stand out. Some say I stand out more when I look normal. So in this life at least, you and I will both just have to deal with the fact that I will never be mainstream.

Mwah!!