Flip Flop Fock

Let me start by saying that under normal circumstances, I do not have smelly feet. I take care of my feet with creams and even though they may be a bit big and flat with long toes, I don’t have ugly feet.

Also I need to stipulate that when it comes to shoes I feel that a shoe HAS to be pretty. It HAS to be! Ugly shoes just wont cut it. Obviously everyone has a different view on what is ugly, but this is my blog and not yours, hehehehehehe.

So a few months ago when we went to Hartenbosch I was in need of flip flops. The kind that you just stick your feet into and start walking. I mean here we are at the beach house and I don’t have shoes for the occasion. So we went to the shops to go and buy shoes. Now going shoe buying with me is not easy and it takes a real woman to be able to handle this. As a matter of fact it takes a real woman to go shopping with me, period. When it comes to spending money, I am a fucking pro and if you have way too much money and you don’t know what to do with it, well honey come pick me up for an hour or so. I will help you. Anyway, back to my point. So we walk around in some or other mall (can’t remember the name now) and go into just about every shop there to find a nice looking pair of flip flops. I eventually found a nice pair of cream ones that covers the bridge of your foot and it had black stitching. It looked kinda surfer jock from Mosselbay. Tag nogal said Genuine Leather, nou toe how can you go wrong with that? Hmmmmm…….

It was comfy and when we returned to the house I showed the friends that we took with and everyone loved it. I felt confident, knowing that this has to be the right shoe. After all it got compliments.  A few weeks later we are sitting in the car, windows opened as much as what we can without fucking up my hair and it is hot. I am wearing my flip focks (purposefully mis-spelled). As it is hot I decide to take my feet out of the flips focks and put them on top of them. I feel better, colder, comfier.  As I am talking away to Paul I get this weird smell creeping up to my nose. I didn’t know what it was. It’s not a familiar smell. I can’t identify it. At first I think that maybe Paul had a glips and farted silently. (I say glips, because that is something we don’t do in front of each other or other people. Yes I understand it is natural, but I don’t fucking care. You gotta fart, don’t do it in front of me. It’s bad manners). So I let it slide and don’t say anything. We reach our destination and I put my flip focks back on and think nothing more of it.

But as the weeks pass I start to smell this smell more often and everywhere I go. I can’t figure it out. I am very conscious about body smells and walk everywhere with some form of deodorant in my bag as well as waterless hand soap and Paul often has wet wipes on him. You never know what will happen. Well imagine my surprise when I eventually figure out that it was my shoes that gave off that horrible smell. So what do I do? Bucket of hot water, soap, jik and whatever else I can find. I go to bed feeling comforted that my flip focks no longer smell like a shack on the Ganges.

Well apparently there is a secret shoe washing club that most people belong to, cuz I then discovered that just about everyone knows that you should not wash leather flip focks that has a glued rubber sole. Of course at that point I didn’t know it. The moment they were dry they were on my feet. I was excited, wanted to wear my newly washed shoes. I took one step and nearly saw my ass. The rubber had come loose from the shoe and as I walked folded double underneath the flip fock making a clack clack clack sound everywhere I walked. The inside sole was never quite the same and as I walked it sounded like I was walking and farting as the sole clung to my feet and released when I lifted them.

And the smell. I tell you the smell could be used in Auschwitz for a gas chamber there.

It is also when my boss looked at these shoes and suggested that it may be time for a new pair that I got the hint.

So Saturday past I went shoe shopping. Oh My. At first I decided that maybe I should think about this practically. I walk a lot, so I should get a shoe that is comfy. I have always heard that Crocs are very comfy. I never bought a pair cuz personally I think it is the most revolting shoe ever to be made. But there I was in Pick ‘n Pay, Crocs on my feet getting ready to pay for them. So R40 later I am walking around in the mall bitching about the ugly shoes on my feet.  What is a queen to do? Buy more shoes. That’s when I saw the nice black pair that I eventually bought.  I picked it up and inspected it for a Genuine Leather tag. There was none and that is why I bought it.

Mwah!