Bathroom Bizarre

Paul and I are busy……..renovating, for lack of a better word. Yes we are only renting and no we are not spending thousands of rands on a rental. We used to have an all fairy bathroom. With a shit load of fairies standing everywhere, making you almost too scared to move. In case you bump one of them off.

Another friend of ours said that he felt very self conscious having all these fairies stare at him as he takes a piss. Well you know the fairy thing was pretty and it was nice to have people come out of the bathroom and say “I love all the fairies” but it was time to move on. Time to grow up almost. So for a long time we thought about what it is that we were going to do to the bathroom. Probably a year in planning and we finally are in the process of redoing the bathroom.

Why the fuck does it take you a year to plan a bathroom? I am sure many of you are wondering that right now. Well I am more than delighted to answer your question. A lot of people, in fact the majority of people, just hang a curtain or blind and put the same old bathroom stuff in there year after year. And as they get new hand soaps or  razors or even washing cloths and towels, they just keep on adding things until nothing eventually matches.

Your bathroom is however one of, if not the most important room in your entire house. Your bathroom can tell your guests so much about what kind of a person you really are.  Remember, very importantly, in a lounge or kitchen or any other room you are there to distract your guests and they wont pick up on anything in the room that is completely fucked up. In the bathroom however, they are there alone. And its not like what they are doing is taking all of there focus. So what do they do? They look.

When I was in Primary School our Principal who was also my registration and maths teacher, told us one day, that if he wants to see  if you are a clean person or not, he goes to your bathroom. That has stuck with me since. I am so anal about the bathroom. No pun intended.

The first thing people notice about the bathroom is if it is clean or not. Dust, dirt, bunched up towels, overflowing washing basket, toothpaste stains in the sink and an awful stale pee smell, tells you that you don’t ever want to pee here again, hehehehehehehehe. Then you want your bathroom to have a look that just about defines who you are without rubbing it in people’s faces.

I mean think about it. If you sitting on the toilet what are doing? Please Goddess don’t tell me you are reading a magazine from the heap next to the toilet. That is as bad as kakkerlakke. Nee jirre sies man. Puke puke puke. Gives me the grills.  

You should be staring at the room. And if you look at the bathroom you should feel that this room clearly defines you and your family. I realize that it is not so easy cuz everyone will have different interests, especially if you have a big family. In that case have it at least the people who pay to live there have a say in room. Your bathroom is the room in which you groom yourself. It must be clean. It is the most damp room in the house and bacteria will live there in a heartbeat if you allow them. So many people stay sick so for so long and it’s like they never heal. What does their bathroom look like? You use it for your most intimate bodily functions. Of course your sick germs will be there. You should actually even use a new toothbrush after you have been ill.

The Dragon skull that used to frighten the living bejesus out of just about everyone that used the bathroom has now been replaced by an intricate embossed tile design with the word LOVE written on it in 3D. The entire thing is silver. Compare those two images. See what story it creates in your mind?

The shelves are now as minimalistic as what we can possibly make it. You don’t want anything to just stand there and gather moisture and dust. That is just a sticky sick mess.

Your bathroom says a lot about your style and your class. It says a lot about what you as a person is willing to explore and what you are just willing to accept. The effort you put into the bathroom says so much about you, but so does the bathrooms that just are. You know the ones where nothing match and everything is a mess.

Now I do not mean to insult people here or tell you that your bathroom is kak and make you spend thousands on it. But just think about it logically. Your guests go to this room, completely alone. They have as long as what it takes to snoop around. What story is your bathroom telling them?

Mwah!