Trouser Troubles

First off let me just say that I am aware of the fact that my dress code is not exactly normal. I put clothes on my back that makes me feel comfortable and that I think I look good in. Like today I am wearing skinny trousers (Black), with a button shirt (Black), a fake fur sleeveless jacket (Brown), pointy shoes (Black) and Leather BDSM wrist cuffs (Black). And this is one of my more normal outfits. But all the clothing fits me. The skinny trousers sit where they should and the shirt is not too tight as to show my many wobbles. I tend to have clothing from either the male or female section. As long as I like what I wear and I am comfortable in it, I don’t care who it was originally made for. The fake fur (and I have to make a point of the fake part as most people don’t like real fur. I love it) was bought in the female section of the store.  I am also wearing eyeliner and mascara and of course, as I do everyday, my red bindi between my brows. This to me is normal, but I can understand how to some it is not normal. I tend to have a few arguments with Ritual Divine as to which clothing items they are going to make for me. I tell them “Think out of the box”. Problem is my box and their box differ somewhat. I will wear whatever they make me as long as it is not frumpy and boring. The more way out the better.

I go to the shops and some of my friends actually argue over who gets to go with, cuz they just love the way the people stare at me. Honestly, I do not do it to stand out or to draw attention to myself. I am actually very shy and very drawn into myself. I just wear what I feel. I express my own individuality through my clothes. It’s just who I am. My mother used to just shake her head. 

Justin Bond in Shortbus, singing 'In the End'.

People like Cher, Lady Gaga and Justin Bond inspire me to be me. As a matter of fact a few weeks ago I wanted Ritual Divine to make me a replica top of the one that Justin Bond wears in the movie ‘Shortbus’ (beautiful art film, filled with sex and the understanding of the human psyche), but in red. Bright red, hooker red. He told me no. They wont make it. I was like “excuse me, you will make it, I will wear it, everyone will love it” Well you try and argue with a Scorpio moffie that has his mind set, so naturally they made my top and it really was a hit. Even Ritual Divine loved it. I said “It’s because I am like Cher, I can make any outfit work for me.” Hehehehehehehe

I just had to explain my weird sense of dress and how I understand people who dress weird or funny before I get to my actual story.

People (and it happens with boys and girls) who does not seem to be able to buy a pair of trousers in their size. Now I know a few blogs back I mentioned that you make it fit, but please know your limit. If you are a size 14 ass, don’t try to get into a size 6. You are an adult and toddler clothes will never fit you. I cannot comprehend it. So I am sitting on the train on my way to work and there is this very good looking (more like jaw dropping drool dripping something standing up, good looking) guy sitting a few seats away from me. At the Kuilsriver stop he stands up, I can see his face again and he walks towards the door, which is in my direction. He smiles this big smile at me and being a gay man, I smile back at his face and move to smile down at his second face, when I see it. His trousers. Its not pulled up all the way. My systems all shut down, I am like an old cat that has decided to use the sandbox while you were eating, cuz I just don’t give a damn anymore. Instant turn off.

Who decided that it is cool or hot or sexy to have your underwear show while you are wearing trousers? And why are so many sexy men doing it?

That’s why it is called UNDERWEAR. You wear it UNDER your clothes. Hey look I have no problem if you want to show me your underwear in private. You can show me the underwear, the label and ……… your shoes? Hell you ask nicely then you can show it to Paul as well and then we can show each other our underwear, but don’t show it like that. It’s ugly. Then a lot of them bend down and its like you are looking at a plumber. I have no problem with crack. I am gay man and I am a top, but a nice ass, I am sure even Johnny Depp’s ass will look horrible as a plumbers crack. Don’t even get me started on females that show their 3 sizes too small g-strings.
As my friend Bronwyn would say “really?” (confused look on face).  My other question is, how do they keep the trousers up? It’s hanging half mast and somehow it doesn’t fall down. That is serious shit.

Okay so maybe I am old fashioned. But some things should be left to the imagination only, things like underwear and ass, unless it proceeds to more than just looking.

My solution. I want to go buy myself a nail gun. And all these sexy men which smile at me to grab my attention only to realize the half mast trousers. Well I am rather big, not just fat but tall and sturdy. Corner the little bastard, pull up his trousers and nail gun it to where it should be.  It may hurt a little but it is for your own good. I promise.

If you wear your trousers like this, I am sorry if you are offended, but laugh a little at yourself. I also don’t hate you and I am not judging you. I m sure you think it looks great which is apparently all that counts to some idiots. I don’t like you less and I still think you are sexy. I just don’t like your half mast trousers and I believe it should be outlawed. Have a nice day!

Mwah!