Love?

Today I celebrate my third anniversary with the best man that I have ever been with.

Do I care about him? Yes

Do I love him? Yes.

Am I in love with him? Yes

Is this the best relationship ever? Yes

But answering yes to all of these questions makes me realize that I would have answered yes to them in the happy times of my previous relationship as well. And the one before that, and the one before that. I say during the happy times, cuz when I am unhappy I do something about it.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not unhappy or out of love. I am as happy as what I have been the day that Paul and I met each other. I am just wondering about this condition called love. Do we as humans go from a one constant state of being completely in love to the next state of being completely in love. One relationship after the other.

Love is an emotion that is truly different from any other aspect of humanity. I tend to sometimes think that we as humans only have one true emotion and that emotion makes us experience different feelings. Think about it. When you are in love, in a matter of less than one day, you can go from being over the moon happy, to angry to sad to forgiving, all about one situation. We are ruled by our love for things and situations. Even people who are constantly complaining about something, they are ruled by their love of the drama.

This is very unhealthy in my opinion, to be ruled so much by one emotion. I am not saying that I am not ruled by it. Of course I am, we all are. But I like to think that I am a realist. I love Paul and I will do just about anything for him but I am also aware that anything can happen. Life does not ask your permission before it makes a drastic change. It simply changes.

Jung said that for everything that is happening in your life the exact opposite is already in existence.  Which means that if you trust someone, distrust already exists as well. It is not to say that it will happen and that you will have an unhappy ending, but the possibility of it happening already exists. So if you are in love the possibility of you being in hate and being hurt and being resentful and and and, already also exists. My point is that so many people, couples, don’t want to acknowledge this. Please acknowledging it does not mean that you are a prophet of doom and willing it, it simply means that you are aware of the possibility and by being aware of it you are better equipped to deal with the situation if it should ever happen. Most people struggle to get over a relationship that they thought was 100% ok, but in fact when you go look at the relationship with a clear eye you will see that it wasn’t ok and that by denying yourself the knowledge of the opposite possibility you are making it harder on yourself. People say “It just suddenly happened” In Kabbalah we get taught that nothing suddenly happens. Everything grew from a tiny seed and took time and nurturing to happen.

Thats us in a shop window

Of course for every negative that exists in your life the opposite positive possibility also already exists. My point is not that all relationships are bound for heartbreak port, but simply that this emotion called love is so powerful that it controls everything we have just discussed. Unconditional love they say is the strongest emotion. I don’t know if I believe in a thing like unconditional love. I don’t even know if I know what love is. But here is what I do know.

I am celebrating three years of being with a man that I am crazy about and even though I am aware it could end any minute for an infinite amount of reasons, I would kill to make this relationship last forever. I know that I am completely happy being called his ‘other half’, ‘fiancé’, ‘boyfriend’, ‘liefie’ and all the other names he has for me. I know that we have a connection that goes way past being partners and lovers and I know that I would gladly take a bullet for him.  Is that love? Some would say it is stupidity, then again some say that love makes us do stupid things.

So let me then assume that I am in love, because according to all the descriptions, that is the label that I should stick on it. Frankly I don’t care what label you stick on it, as long as that is the man that I get to sleep next to every night, as long as his face is the first thing I see in the morning and as long as his heartbeat is the last thing I hear when I fall asleep, I am happy to call it whatever the hell you want me to call it.

Mwah!