Some of the meanest people I have ever met.

I know a lot of people. I have been around the block and because of my involvement in the Pagan community I have met the most fantastic people. I have even met with Jewish diplomats when attending a talk at the Holocaust Museum. The journey has been incredible. The bridges I have built between Pagans and non-Pagans could in and of itself become a book. The shit I have had to endure all for the sake of Paganism (volk en nasie, as Darkwolf used to say), the things I have had to do and the hate mail I have received.

But let me tell you a secret. The most backstabbing, distrusting, vengeful people I have met on my journey, has been South African Pagans. Now of course I am not talking about all of them. I have met some incredible people that are Pagan in this country. True Pagans as I like to call them. But for very one of those there are three that are just not worth it. I am not pretending to be an angel here, but hear me out. 

You have all met them. But I cannot point them out to you. I cannot tell you who they are in your life. So instead I am going to give you snippets from my life to try and explain myself. Don’t worry I won’t use real names. I am not you. Besides Darkwolf and I, many years ago discussed to maybe one day write a book on the Pagans we have met and realised that we wouldn’t be able to use real names, but instead will have to use pseudonyms. Now I finally get to use some of them. But to just make it clear, none of these names are actually people that exist.

I have been pretty well behaved in the public light over the years. I have been supportive to many covens and traditions. Supporting their ventures even sometimes financially. I have lifted people up and elevated some to higher degrees so that they may best do their important work. You see I believe that there is a place for every single one of us. All groups and covens and traditions have members and therefore we all offer something the other doesn’t and that is amazing as it gives the people out there a great choice for their own spiritual development.  We don’t have to fight about who’s group is the best or who’s leadership is better. It really isn’t about you and your little ego Die Skrik (Darkwolf, this was one of your best nick names ever). I have helped her on so many occasions. Set up initiations, given course material allowed my intellectual property to be stolen by her, given more degrees, helped setup more, attended functions and given my support, yet every time I get spoken ill of. Apparently according to her and her elders, I can change into spiders and spy on people.

Drizzle for some reason hates me. To this day I don’t know why. We go way back and when we met I was always of the opinion that she was awesome. We always got along so well, according to me. I am not so sure if this is true anymore. I have supported her events all the way. I have always been a button she can push on if she needed it and yet somehow, her and her group find it okay to bash me every opportunity they get. And not just me but also the ventures that I support. I have even had a door slammed in my face for supporting her. Apparently I astral travel to their group to see what they are doing.

Old Prophet and I met each other at the Crystal Cave. When we met he knew nothing of Paganism and what it was. Okay he knew very little as he had been a mutual friend of a terrific High Priestess friend of mine. But he attended each of my talks and always asked eagerly about every topic and soaked it up. I hear now that he's apparently been practicing since the 1960’s where he was a High Priest already. In front of my face he often tells me what a good friend I am and yet behind my back it gets said that I suck the life out of everything as I am miserable. Apparently I have spies that go into his lair to extract information for me.

The list goes on and on, believe me. I have been accused of having sex with people on the astral. People that I wouldn’t even touch with a borrowed penis. But somehow I go to their houses on the astral to have sex with them.

I have had Pagans steal from me. My robes and ritual jewellery and tarot cards and tools and yet I help them. How do I know all these things? People talk especially when they are trying to suck up.

I have had people steal from my charity organization for themselves under my name, I have had people steal money from the academy and yet I help them.

I am going to tell you why. Raymond Buckland wrote a beautiful thing. It is called “The Love of the Priesthood”. He was one of my teachers and he was a wonderful man. I still have so much respect for him. It goes like this.

The Love of the Priesthood

 You may come to me yourself, abuse me and come back to me; 

my love is unchanging 

then go away and do whatever you will;

 my love is unchanging.

You may deny me to myself or to yourself,

then curse me to any who will listen;

my love is unchanging.

You may become the most despised of creature then return to me;

my love is unchanging.

You may become the enemy of the Gods themselves then return to me;

my love is unchanging.

Go where you will and stay for how long you wish then return to me;

my love is unchanging.

Abuse others, abuse yourself, abuse me and come back to me;

my love is unchanging

 I will never criticize you,

I will never minimize you,

 I will never fail you because to me you are everything and I am nothing.

I will never deceive you,

I will never ridicule you,

I will never fail you because to me you are God/dess nature,

 to be served, and I am your servant.

No matter what befalls you,

no matter what you become, I await you always.

I know you. I serve you. I love you.

My love for you, in the changing world is unchanging.

My love, beloveds, is unchanging.

Sometimes, people need to be pushed out of our lives or organizations. It is not because we love them less or because we hate them or want war with them, it is simply because they no longer play a positive role to us and it is okay to push them away. For us to be strong we need to push some people out, but this doesn’t give you the right to speak ill of them.  I have never spoken ill truths of anyone in Paganism. I have never spread gossip about anyone. I have never spoken about you behind your back. Again I am not an angel, but if I have an issue with you I will talk to you about it. 

You see Ray and I both understand something incredibly important. Firstly, for you to say shit about me, says far more about you than what it does about me. If you can say horrible things about one person, who at some point was your friend, it means no one is actually your friend as anyone can become the new me. Secondly that the Pagan movement is not about one person or one group or one organization. Release your ego and realize that the movement is about the movement in its entirety. Just like there are people at your work whom you don’t necessarily socialize with after-hours, there are Pagans as well with whom you don’t, but it doesn’t give you the right to be a cunt. And if you are one, again, it says more about you than what is does about me.

I am not about to go and tell the truths of other people. I don’t have the time for that shit. Just like I don’t have the time to spy on anyone. I do not care what you do in your groups or traditions. To me it was never about you or me even, but always about the fact that the craft must ever survive.

Many of you will be able to relate to this article. Then wherever I say ‘I’, let it be your voice that you hear. I have kept quiet for too long about how I feel about these things and to this day pettiness still reigns among Pagans.

Nathaniel J Harris wrote: “Whilst such coveners are always harking on about ‘perfect love and perfect trust’ they seem to me to spend an awful lot of time stabbing their athame into each others backs.”  --Witcha: A Book of Cunning--

My Academy and I are willing to work with anyone who is willing to put their ego bullshit aside, and work for the betterment of the movement. Looking at South Africa, 22 years into our recognition, I don’t know we have what it takes.

Let’s hope that I will be proven wrong.