Benefit of Living in the Country - Number 2

We are watching a lot of movies lately that involves super heroes saving the planet from some or other impending doom. Then two mornings ago while driving, I got this message from one of my friends on bbm. David said: 

“So today we look at mixed emotions and what they mean. Your worst enemy falls from the 17^th floor onto your brand new Audi and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.” 

Paul responded and said: “Trust your worst enemy to fuck up your new car.”

But then as we were driving Paul said that he is so happy that we live in South Africa and not in the Northern Hemisphere. He explained, saying that all the super heroe movies we have been watching plays off in the Northern Hemisphere somewhere and in an attempt to save the planet they fucq up everything along the way.  Does government cover the costs of you having to get a new car every month? Will your insurance cover it or is it one of those “This is an act of God” issues?

We just bought a new car. No please don’t congratulate us. We are more in debt now than what we have ever been and at this point only the steering wheel belongs to us, the rest still belongs to the bank. But It costs a fortune. I am now a nervous passenger because everytime another car gets a little too close I wanna freak out because they might scratch our Rasputin (Name of the car).  And fucq it was, no is, a lot of money. Now can you imagine you go to the bank one day, minding your own fucqing business, and when you get out your car is fucqed because some super heroe crushed it in an attempt to catch some villain with a cape. The insurance and bank and government just shrugs it off.What the holy hel do you do then. Who is gonna pay for this? Or are you left to pay the old car that you now longer have or remodled into a cigarette box, while paying for a new car as well?

And things like this happen all the time in the Northern Hemisphere, according to Hollywood. Lets take a look at some titles to prove this.

X-Men (just about all of them)

The Avengers

Independence  Day

The Day after Tomorrow

Armageddon

Cloverfield

Godzilla

Knowing

Escape from New York

I am Legend

The day the Earth Stood Still

Deep Impact

To name but a few. None of this shit ever happens here. But then I clicked that we had one movie, a whole ONE, regarding aliens, District 9. However that movie played off in the city of Johannesburg and had nothing to do with Cape Town. It also really had nothing to do with aliens and was more of a play on Xenophobia as well as old and new regimes, but the aliens looked like park town prawns that you get in Jozi in anyway. We are the Mother City in South Africa yet nothing ever happens here. Which is great. I don’t mind at all. I think that somehow the mountain protects us. 

Over in the Northern Hemisphere you have aliens and tidal waves. You have superheroes and evil villains, war terrorists, whom we also have but ours are part of the National Government. You have cops that fucq up your properties and you have celebrities that feel up massage boys. For Gods sake you have Joan Rivers and Steven Seagal!! All the bad shit happens to you.

We do however have Julias, hang on lets pronounce that correctly, Djooo-lee-ass. And he is fucqing bad, but he doesn’t destroy my car every week. So with all of this destruction happening around cities by people that claim to want to save everyone I got to think. I have never seen a Superheroe fight happening on a farm, where there is not much for them to fucq up.

This must then be the second advantage to living in the country.

Mwah