20 Something Trash

On Saturday past I went to my oldest friends birthday party. No I don’t mean that of all my friends she is the one that is physically the oldest one but rather the one I have known the longest. Naomi and I met each other when we were 6 years old and she can still remember what I wore the day that we met. She cant remember my fucqing birthday, every year, but she can remember I wore a t-shirt that said something to the effect of “I am the Boss”. On the 13^th she turned 30 and we  had her party Saturday past.

Me being me, arrived and took fucqing over. Saw Natali that was with us in school from the age of 6 and Paul, Natali and myself hung out together. We were asked to all bring our own camping chairs………..do I look like the type that owns a fucqing camping chair? So I went into the house and organized chairs for the three of us. Saw a few people that I apparently met before but could not remember. This time I do however remember Luette. Lekker kak aanjaag sussie daai. The two of us together is bad news.

Naomi had a black cardboard star on one of the walls that said ‘TRASH”. When the evening started there was apparently a trash can underneath it, but someone had moved it and the star was just stuck up on a wall, pointing out nothing underneath it. So I asked Naomi if I can have the star, she of course obliged. I also asked her for a safety pin. She had put two and two together and tried to tell me that I wasn’t going to...., but my look must have told her that she wont win this one and she told me where I could find one. 10 minutes later I had a huge star name tag that said ‘TRASH”. Luette was my “WHITE”, so together we were “WHITE TRASH” and we also behaved a little like it.

You see we were pretty well behaved up until the point that we discovered Allan.

Mel let me explain this, Allan is one of those guys that you wish had a dog with him so that you could scuzie him. In other words, for the rest of the people that has no idea what I just said to Mel, Allan is built like a Greek God. His arms can do things that should be preached against in Leviticus. Oh don’t go all “what about Paul” on me, he was just as badly over Allen. Yes we saw his abs, all 973 of them. How?, cuz you see we are trash and together we got him to show us his tattoos. On the side of his chest he has the Serenity prayer. Evil Queen that I am explained to him that I don’t know what that is and had a conversation with him about it, insisting that he must keep the top lifted while we chat about it so I can also read it. Mwhahahaha mwhahahahaha. I know the fucqing serenity prayer off by heart, but he didn’t know that. Mwhahahahahaha

Where we sat alone, the three of us, soon Luette and her hubby joined and before we knew it our small little circle just became bigger and the life of the party!! Liezel arrived late (another friend of ours) but considering Liezel is always two and a half hours late, she was actually half an hour early. Met her little girl Lillian for the first time, gorgeous little thing. But half way through the night my wine was done and I had already had some of Luette’s Vodka, when we offered to take Liezel home to put Lillian to bed and go pick up more wine. Woohoo!! Or so I thought.

It wasn’t the best wine there is, but it was wine and I am rather fond of vinegar so all things considered, it wasn’t that bad. Half a box later I also had a Brutal Fruit, which they taught me in Afrikaans is called a Slet Sappie. To my overseas readers a Slet Sappie translates to Hooker Juice. At this point Luette was trying to get Allan to look at the tortoise so that he can bend over and we can check him out and I almost broke my neck by lying backwards in the chair to see the merchandise. We also tried to take a vote to let Allan walk around without his top on, but he didn’t fall for that one.

In two months exactly it is my turn to embrace the adult life and leave behind me my 20something lifestyle. It’s a bit scary and intimidating and not so nice to know that the clock is moving forward and leading me to eye creams, wrinkle creams and botox, but hey lets just try to embrace it and try to look fabulous. If I cant do it looking fabulous then I will do it while being shitfaced, at least then I have an excuse.

Mwah!!