A Warm Welcome!!

The last year has proven to be a failure of note when it comes my writing. I have not been that inspired to write anything. Which basically translates to nothing much besides for work and NPT has happened. People have not been giving me that much material to write about. I am not sure if I should salute them or fall on my back. For me to say that the esoteric world has been quiet, Jirre that takes doing. Maybe I have just been careful as not to piss anyone off. That could also be.

But it is a new year and a new financial year and I am going to try to commit to writing at least once a week. I promise to try. Yes I am aware of the fact that it is like saying: “It is a definite maybe”. Hey, I have been told that I should have been a politician. Can you imagine. Zeo for President. I don’t think I would get votes.

But truth be told a lot has actually happened. I have just been busy and over whelmed and honestly tired of the public. I wanted my home and my privacy. Maybe I am getting older and wiser or maybe it was just a phase. Or maybe, just maybe, I just ran out of awesome clothes to wear out. Hahahahahaha. Lets go with that one.

For those that are new to my blogg. Welcome. Please do not expect something life changing. Do not expect me to be nice or even civil. If you are affronted by the mere thought of using the F word or the C word or the plethora of colourful metaphors that I use, then maybe you should not be reading this blog.

I have only two rules (for readers) when it comes to the blog.

1.     If you don’t like it, then don’t fucqing read it

2.     If you can take the time to read then you can take the time to leave a comment on the blog itself. Your feedback gives me more ……drive (that is probably the right or nice word to use) to carry on writing.

For those new to the blog let me just explain how I operate. Just so you can’t turn around and say: “But I didn’t know”. For those that know my blog, read through it and laugh and nod while thinking back on previous entries.

1.     I write in Afrikaans and English. But please not that English is my second tale nê. This means that my English spelling and grammar sometimes gives Mel and my sister a stroke. But they have already learned what I am going to teach you now. This is my blog. MINE. So if you don’t like, go buy a fucqing dictionary and read that, as that might be more entertaining to your particular needs.

2.     I write the way that I speak. Exactly the way I speak. I have been told that, that is what makes my stories so entertaining. So when I laugh in real life, I also type Bwhahahahaha or something like that.

3.     I will make fun of you in this blogg. If I know you, at some or other point you will feature. You can either accept that now, or get a stroke when you read about yourself.

4.     After you have had the stroke, please just take it for the fun and entertainment that it is. I wont purposefully go out to make you look like a doos. Unless you have been a doos of course. But then your anger is technically just a reflection of the validity of my blogg.

5.     Just like I have no issue about taking the piss out of you, I have no issue with taking the piss out of myself either.

6.     I have to state the obvious. I do not call a spade a spade. I call a spade a fucqing shovel.

7.     I deliberately spell id F-U-C-Q. The word fuck as you might know is an abbreviation or acronym for ‘Fornication Under Consent of the King’. Due to an incident with a coffee mug I am now affectionately called the Queen of Fucking Everything. Therefore it is under consent of the Queen. Hence FUCQ!

8.     I am gay. This will come out. If you are a good looking guy I will perv and drool. If you don’t want to catch the gay disease then steer clear.  Yes, I know I am married and Paul will perv with me and then we will both drag you to bed. Nothing like a good old threesome to end a long day.

9.     Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Sorry I just have to finish laughing over number 7. Oooohhhh okay breathe. Okay that was good. I can be random from time to time

10. If you are gonne get your panties in a knot, I will point and laugh and then write about it.

11. If you send me hate-mail, it will get publishes so we can all laugh about it. As a mater of fact, hate-mail get the most hits. So please send me some.

See taking the piss out of myself 11 years ago.

 

 

12. I do not consider myself a mega star like Dame Edna does. One day when there is fake porn of me on the internet, then I will be a mega star.

13. If you offer a service and I have made use of it, I will write about it. If your service was good you will get a nice review. If you sucked, then you can kiss my lilly white ass and take the kak I am going to write.

14. Keeping point 12 in mind. I am not an advertising agency. I am not going to advertise you because you want me to do it I don’t work like that. You want advertising you will let me make use of your services, yes I wil push to get it for free, or you can pay me to advertise for you.

15. Lastly (they {as in the Council that I belong to} are making me say this), I speak only for myself on this blogg. On this blogg, I do not represent any organization or brand other that myself. Apparently

With all of that out of the way. Lets usher in an new year on this blogg. A year of vulgarity, laughs, cries and fucqing good stories.

For those that missed me, I’M BAAAACCCKKK!!!!!!

For those that hoped I wouldn’t be back, FUCQ YOU!!!!!

And for those that are new, pull up a chair sugar, this shit is about to get real.

xxx