Pink Loerie

Paul and I decided to get away for a few days. We originally went to drop off Wedding invites but that didn’t quite pan out as we expected and on last minute we decided to still go. We took three friends and went to Hartenbos for the weekend. We like to take turns in taking friends there. So each person that means something to us gets to share the magick of Hartenbos with us.  Before we left I made it very clear that we have to leave Hartenbos early on Saturday morning to go to the Sedgefield Farmers Market and Knysna.

At the Market we had yummy breakfast, but me in my infinite wisdom didn’t take a single warm top with for the weekend and it was fucqing cold there at that time. So we walk around the market trying to find a top to buy. Of course I see many ones that I love but they are either too expensive or made to fit my one thigh. One size fits all, my gat. If you don’t mind looking like a Wallmart add, then yes sure, one size fits all. 

We walk past this one guy that is so loud that he has to be gay. Not that he was that loud, to be honest, but no straight guy is ever that loud. He looked at me and said “I like your broek” to which I smiled politely and said thank you. But I didn’t think anything of it. It is a nice broek! Paul made it. 

Eventually I get to a stall that has hippy like clothing that I like and there is a blue top that I like, wel mostly blue. The woman tells me: 

Photo was taken by Martyn Hill

“One size fits all”………..my gemoed sak in my skoene. 

I hear this voice, yes the same voice that liked my broek, saying that if it fits him then he gets it for free. I know I also said at the same time, something about me highly doubting that it will be one size fits all.

Of course the lovely lady who owns the stall tells me to try it on, yes hoping to make a sale. And it fits. She says that it looks good and I say it is only because I am wearing it. Next minute I hear Broeks (that’s just what I am gonna call him from now on, since I don’t know his name) saying I will have one, as he points to me. He then corrects himself and says: 

“I mean the jacket not him, …….but I will buy him too.”met so 'come to daddy smirk' op sy gesig.

I was shocked. One: he had his boyfriend with him (a very handsome Indian looking man), Two: my fiancé is standing right next to me and Three: someone actually hit on me. I think the last one shocked me the most. Here I am, Blond (since I cut off my beautiful long black hair), about 40kgs over weight (no longer fitting into my beautiful clothing), freezing my tits off, no makeup (not even eyeliner) and someone hits on me. I thought, My God what is this world coming to? But I was so shocked that all I could get out was: 

“I am extremely expensive.” I realize now, how this could have been seen as a rude remark but that is honestly not how I meant it.

Another Martyn Hill Photo

So we leave the beautiful town of Sedgefield, to go to the Beautiful town of Knysna. Only to discover that it is the Pink Loerie festival. Now I have never been to any form of gay event. Yes I went to Bronx and Clud 55 and even to the Gat Party, but never to like the Pride or something huge and expansive and parade’s and street parties.   

Oh I went to the Lady Gaga concert, which I suppose is as good as a gay pride parade. But in my young queer life, this was going to be my first parade. Anitici..............pation.

I must just tell you, for those that have never been to the Pink Loerie. This is not a small thing that a few moffies and dikes get together for. Nee meisie. The entire fucqing town gets involved. Its amazing to walk in a town so small and see all the pink and all the gay flags. Everyone, young and old gets into it. The solidarity was amazing. It was wow. 

We go do our shopping and a few hours later 5 very tired friends decides to just have a quick drink at a small restaurant in Knysna, before we go home. At this point not planning to stay for the parade. (Paul mentioning something about the traffic being a bitch if there is a parade)

Chaplin’s Bistro was our destination. I chose it because, to me, it was the best decorated one that I could see. They were kitted out for the Pink Loerie. So we went to go sit just to have a quick drink………………. Now anyone that knows me, should also know that when I am enjoying myself, it is never a quick drink ……………never……………..ever.

The owner of this lovely place came up to us and she told me how glamorous I looked. I was flattered and thankful. Every now and again she came to our table to chat. We (by we I mean I made Riaan do it for me) asked her for one of the chair decors as a souvenir and she happily agreed. The problem is that Riaan looked like a boring straight boy, as a matter of fact that is exactly what I called him. So the table décor became his scarf. What followed next was Paul wanting to put a fake pink rose in Kevin’s hair. But Kevin would only agree to it if we bought him a drink. You see we had to do this because in order for Getanya (Riaans girlfriend) to agree for me to go buy Riaan a toy tiara to put on, she said Kevin must put the flower in the his hair…………So I toddled across the square to the toy shop to get Riaan a tiara after ordering Kevin’s milkshake.

But alas, the toy shop had no Tiara’s. Which yes, I did kak them out for. I mean with all the Queers in town, how could they not have tiara’s. What the Fucq!! However, Zeo does not give up that easily. You all should know that by know right. So I bought him a purple tinsel wig instead. *evil laugh

What we all looked like at that point

Now you are all asking if he put it on………..come on, you should know me better than to ask that sort of question. Like he had a choice. I also bought Paul a flower necklace. So now all of us are pretty much looking like we could be in the spirit of things. Well all of us except for Riaan who looks like a really tired has been boring old porn queen drag act. But then something happened that changed Riaan’s fate. I ordered Bubbly for the table. Great for me, BAD for Riaan. Throughout all of this, Jenny (the wonderful owner of Chaplin’s) is just about kuiering with us. Pretty soon Riaan was topless and his scarf became a halter neck boob choop. My blue snood (type of scarf) came off and was magically transformed into a mini skirt for Riaan. I felt like the fairy godmother in Cinderella. I transformed a really tired has been boring old porn queen drag act into Mz. Pink Loerie. Well he wasn’t a boring straight boy anymore. Hehehehehe.

Mz. Pink Loerie and Jennie in orange

So at three we decide to go and join the crowd for the parade. Ons gaan nou parade kyk. And I have to tell you it was interesting. Some really hot boys some really old boys, some young some not so hot. Some bears and some twinks. Good Drag Queens and bad Drag Queens and lots of Drag Queens whom I would like to contact to teach them how to walk properly on heels, without letting the ankle shake that much. 

Who comes walking past us in the parade, handing out the Pink Tongue (This is a LGBT newspaper {to whom I will mail this blog}), Broeks!! I was nogal upset with him. Wants to buy me in Sedgefield, but doesn’t even offer me a spot in the parade. It is so over between us. Hehehehehehehehe ;) ag just kidding Broeks, I still luv you!

After Getanya got me a Pink Loerie T-Shirt (Please don’t ask) and Riaan got felt up by lots and lots of guys wanting his photo, yes I am being serious, we decided to go back to Hartenbos and enjoy a quiet night by the fire. 

Thank you to everyone that made my first (and hopefully not the last) Pink Loerie so memorable. Love you all

Mwah!

P.S. Yes I did buy the mostly blue top. I am wearing it in the photo!